QUEBEC – A new language law will require Quebecois meteorologists to stop using the annual list of Atlantic hurricane names generated by the US National Hurricane Center, and instead refer to al...
Carney assures Canadians that AI the fastest way to give all our money to US billionaires
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark has unveiled his new federal AI strategy, promising Canadians that artificial intelligence technology is the most advanced, efficient way to surrender all of our col...
Everything Canadian that Albertans will be able to keep after separating, according to Alberta Separatists
Albertan separatists insist that leaving Canada won’t exclude them from keeping some residual benefits of being Canadian. Here is the list they propose: 1. passports 2. currency 3. smugness 4. t...
FIFA forbids Canadian fans from bringing water inside own bodies into World Cup matches
TORONTO – A last minute rule change by FIFA means World Cup fans will no longer be able to bring the moisture inside their own bodies into host stadiums for the tournament. The latest FIFA rules...
Huge dock spider already looking forward to scurrying over your hand this summer
MUSKOKA, ON – A full-grown dock spider is counting the days until it gets to scurry across your unsuspecting hand, later this summer. Zoology experts report that you will likely emit a piercing ...
Nation’s sports franchises mark Pride Month with the annual closing of the comment section
TORONTO – In what has become an annual tradition in community outreach, sports teams across Canada are marking June as Pride Month by adding rainbow logos to their profile pictures, releasing an...
Netflix says CanCon rules will force them to raise prices that they already raised and plan to raise more
SILICON VALLEY, CA – Streaming giant Netflix has fired back at a CRTC report recommending they increase their contributions to Canadian media, insisting this would force them to raise prices on ...
Loud racism narrowly defeats quiet racism in B.C. Conservative leadership race
CAMPBELL RIVER, B.C. – Overt racist speech has narrowly won out over the more traditional dogwhistle racist messaging this past Sunday, with “Loud Racism” officially becoming the new...
Study finds jogging for just 30 minutes a day can add 30 minutes of stress to your life
Cambridge, MA – A new study from Harvard science has indicated that individuals who engage in just 30 minutes of jogging a day add 30 minutes more of stress into their day against those who do n...
Report: Carney’s plan to protect Canada from US aggression to relocate entire country to Europe
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark Carney has reportedly settled on a last-ditch initiative to keep Canada safe from American instability: physically moving the entire nation to the continent of Europ...
