OTTAWA – In the wake of a jobs report showing the national economy lost 66,000 in August alone, Prime Minister is hoping that Canadians will be too preoccupied with filling out online job applic...
Carney cancels invite for Project 2025 mastermind, wants fascist takeover of Canada to be more of a surprise
OTTAWA – A planned reception for the architect of Project 2025 – the infamous policy blueprint for the Trump Administration – has been cancelled because Mark Carney wants the planned...
Raccoon standing still on top of garbage bin worried he’s not going to get to scare the fuck out of anyone tonight
TORONTO – A local raccoon that has been standing perfectly still on top of a garbage can next to a house in Toronto’s Beach neighbourhood for 3 hours now, is starting to get worried he won...
Pedestrian walking in road because cyclist riding on sidewalk because car parked in bike lane
TORONTO – Eyewitnesses today confirmed reports that a pedestrian was walking in the road because a cyclist was riding on the sidewalk because a car was parked in the bike lane. “I was driving do...
SNL casts Canadian provided she can evade ICE at border
NEW YORK – Sketch comedy institution Saturday Night Live has announced the addition of its first new Canadian cast member in decades, Veronika Slowikowska, contingent on her not being captured b...
Employee appreciation lunch features cheapest food possible
KINGSTON, ON – Last Friday, a local company held their annual Employee Appreciation Lunch and celebrated their hardworking staff by proudly serving the cheapest food possible. The BBQ event took plac...
Canadians paralyzed by choice on what movie to watch to remember Graham Greene
OTTAWA – Following the death of iconic Canadian First Nations actor Graham Greene, grieving viewers report finding themselves utterly overwhelmed by choice when attempting to pick a single film ...
Mark Carney celebrates Labour Day by ordering labourers back to work
OTTAWA – Employees of Whiteston Manufacturing who were told they were receiving a special Labour Day surprise at the factory today were delighted when that surprise turned out to be Prime Minist...
Joe Rogan of the Left? This credulous dipshit is vegan
Hold onto your podcasting mic! During the 2024 US Presidential election, “bro podcast” hosts like Theo Von, Andrew Schulz, and of course Joe Rogan offered fawning softball interviews to Do...
A&W’s new Complicated Family Menu features Step-Mom Burger, Secret Cousin Burger
NORTH VANCOUVER — A&W Canada announced their new Complicated Family Menu today, featuring old favourites like the Mama Burger and Papa Burger, plus an assortment of more modern offerings, includi...
