LOS ANGELES, CA – Responding to widespread praise for his performance in the new film Marty Supreme, businessman and television personality Kevin O’Leary revealed that what critics are calling “...
Hockey Canada ordered to pay nation’s therapy bills
MILAN – After causing the nation 3 straight days of what can only be described as “holy shit, holy shit, I’m going to lose my god damn mind” levels of stress at the Olympics, t...
Pierre Poilievre crosses floor to Liberals
OTTAWA – Following three recent floor crossings to the Liberals, the Conservative Party has lost a fourth MP after Alberta MP Pierre Poilievre announced that he would be crossing the floor to jo...
Ford warns OSAP students not to pick ‘basket-weaving courses’, pick ‘inherit trust fund’ courses instead
QUEEN’S PARK – In the wake of cuts to higher education loans, Ontario Premier Doug Ford has encouraged students “not to pick basket-weaving courses”, and instead to follow his ...
Jamil Jivani’s plan to neg Canadians into making him PM off to rocky start
“You pussies wouldn’t have the guts to make me the most powerful man in the country.” Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood and special guest Rachel Gilmore) talk about ...
U.S. legal scholars baffled as Prince Andrew arrested for Epstein ties, Korean president sentenced for insurrection
WASHINGTON, D.C. – America’s top legal minds have reported utter bafflement at the news that former prince Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor was arrested by U.K. police due to his connections with Jeff...
28-year-old really enjoying early twenties
Miramichi, NB – Navigating adulthood can be challenging, but for 28-year-old Shawn Walker, life in his early twenties couldn’t be better. “I wasn’t sure about this new life stage at first,” said Walke...
Matt Jeneroux leaves Conservative party after being too intimidated by Poilievre’s workout regime
OTTAWA – In another parliamentary upset for Pierre Poilievre’s Conservatives, Edmonton MP Matt Jeneroux crossed the floor to the Liberals this morning after revealing that he was too intimidated...
Canada invokes NATO Article 5 against Sweden following Olympic curling conflict
NORTH SEA – Following a dispute at the 2026 Winter Olympics in which the Swedish team accused Canadian players of cheating, Prime Minister Mark Carney has mobilized the whole of the Canadian mil...
Metrolinx hires elderly woman after watching her take 30 minutes to cross the street
Toronto, ON – Metrolinx has responded to criticism of its project speed by adding Nancy Callahan to their team after her inspiring 30 minute walk across an intersection. “Just look at her go,” e...
