CALGARY – With news of the WestJet strike ending, Canadians are reportedly relieved that they won’t be forced to fly with the nation’s most terrifying airline: Air Canada. The sense of dread caused by...
Canadians overwhelmingly demand wealth tax after Kevin O’Leary says it will make him move away
OTTAWA – Pollsters report a split among Canadians over the idea of higher tax on the assets of wealthy individuals, though support skyrockets after noting that Kevin O’Leary has vowed that...
Breaking: Man who keeps shitting himself in public tough to pin down on international trade deal
“I wonder why diaper grandpa keeps changing his mind on CUSMA?” Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre and Janel Comeau) talk about the latest in the Trade War, the debate about whether Conserv...
Jared Leto struggling to think of ways he could have made creepiness more evident
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Following a new BBC report accusing actor Jared Leto of sexually assaulting four women when they were underage, the film star has responded by questioning what further actions he...
Shopify announces customers can use promo code PLUTOCRACY for 10% off all orders
TORONTO – In the wake of CEO Tobi Lutke endorsing an electoral system in which votes are allocated based on how much income tax you pay, e-commerce platform Shopify has announced that customers ...
Edmonton plans separation referendum to separate from Alberta separation referendum
EDMONTON – With the October 19th Alberta Separation referendum approaching, residents of the provincial capital have announced that they will be holding their own referendum to separate the city...
Boomers blame social media for setting unrealistic lawn standards
ST. CATHARINES — Canada’s Baby Boomers increasingly say social media is to blame for setting unrealistically high standards for their lawns. “Sometimes I’m on Facebook, enjoying posts about how Taylor...
Tech CEOs warn Chinese AI could destroy the world faster than American AI can
SILICON VALLEY – American Tech CEOs issued a chilling warning that Chinese AI models have the potential to destroy the world more quickly and more cheaply than their American counterparts. The C...
Republicans insist Mitch McConnell resting comfortably following routine taxidermy procedure
WASHINGTON D.C. – GOP lawmakers are chastizing their Democratic colleagues, as well as members of the media, for inquiring about the 6 week disappearance of Sen. Mitch McConnell, insisting the l...
Neighbourhood kid who just learned to ride bike now logging 14-hour shift delivering Uber Eats
OAKVILLE, ON — Seven-year-old Ryan Driftwood has been making the most of his newfound love of riding his bicycle by “making bank” as a self-employed Uber Eats food courier. The second-grad...
