OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark Carney is continuing to beat the drum on international investment, calling on business leaders and countries from around the world to invest in one of Canada’s …
Business
Rogers completes takeover of everything son talks to local dad about
TORONTO – Rogers Communications has announced that with the purchase of Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment and all its professional sports teams, the telecom giant has also taken full ownership …
Carney announces $1.2B investment to protect oceans from his own climate policy
VANCOUVER – Prime Minister Mark Carney has announced more than one billion dollars in federal funding to keep the ocean safe from the consequences of his own actions. “As an Oxford-trained econom…
Child’s imaginary restaurant acquired, shuttered by private equity
BRANDON, MB – 4-year-old Mikaela Hermer’s imaginary restaurant, in which she served invisible hot dogs and ice cream to her parents and friends, has filed for bankruptcy after being a…
Canadians relieved they won’t be forced to fly Air Canada
CALGARY – With news of the WestJet strike ending, Canadians are reportedly relieved that they won’t be forced to fly with the nation’s most terrifying airline: Air Canada. The sense of dread caus…
Shopify announces customers can use promo code PLUTOCRACY for 10% off all orders
TORONTO – In the wake of CEO Tobi Lutke endorsing an electoral system in which votes are allocated based on how much income tax you pay, e-commerce platform Shopify has announced that custo…
Neighbourhood kid who just learned to ride bike now logging 14-hour shift delivering Uber Eats
OAKVILLE, ON — Seven-year-old Ryan Driftwood has been making the most of his newfound love of riding his bicycle by “making bank” as a self-employed Uber Eats food courier. The second…
Blurred Zoom background fails to conceal that coworker is in jail
TORONTO – Employees at a local software firm were surprised yesterday when one of their colleagues attempted to use Zoom’s “blur my background” feature to hide the fact he is currently inca…
Carney announces plan to privatize airports but still give them half a billion dollars once in a while
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark Carney has announced a funding model which would see Canada’s federally-owned and operated airports become 100% privately owned, but still get half a billion do…
Loblaws bread-fixing settlement worth approximately 1/3 of grocery trip
TORONTO – Loblaws is “stepping up to the cost of living plate” by offering a one-time court ordered payment worth approximately 33% of a typical grocery trip. “Everyday I hear Canadians tell me h…
