93% of Canadians will never pay off their blood debts - The Beaverton
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93% of Canadians will never pay off their blood debts

NATIONWIDE- A new study conducted by Statistics Canada has shown that only around 7% of Canadians are expected to accrue enough to fully pay off the amount of they have or will incur in their lives.

feud settlement rates were pretty steady in Canada up into the 17th century. In those days, if you killed someone’s relative, you were for sure going to die,” says Dr. Martine Price of First Canadian National Blood Bank, who incidentally also knows a lot about outdated revenge practices. “But after the laws in Canada started to frown more on killing in general, wrongful death settlements and life insurance policies became more accepted as forms of payments, despite the blood for blood rule still being in effect.”

“The blood debt industry is way too big to fail. It literally pumps blood into the economy. The government is going to have to kill a lot of people to bail it out.”

Some experts believe that the main reason Canadians will never resolve their blood debts is due to many of them taking on what some are calling “subprime vendettas”, which consist of someone swearing revenge against someone they will never be able to kill. With these constantly being billed as steady emotional investments, many are concerned that the national revenge market will collapse.

“I thought when I got an adjustable rate, I thought I would be able to refinance it so I could settle it just by maiming some people.” Says Kenny Tran, who has taken out 9 blood debts that he has no way of repaying.” Now I’ve had to declare blood bankruptcy because I owe 50 lives in interest and I’m getting my honor repossessed. If they had taught us basic financial literacy in high school, this wouldn’t have happened.”

In addition to the mass defaulting on revenge debts, the market has seen an emergence of retribution scams. These include multi-level murders, Ponzi vendettas, and reverse blood debts that trick the victim into getting killed by someone else with a grudge.

But there may be hope for Canadians unable to get proper payback before their families disown them. Leticia Kwon, an independent creditor in Ottawa, is following the industry trend of offering 9blood debt consolidation.

“Essentially, if you’re unable to actually avenge your family member’s murder, my team will work with you to find someone else who you own a grievance against, and transfer all your outstanding blood debt to them,” Kwon told the press from her office. “Now instead of going after the scary guy who killed your brother, you can just take out the last person to cut you off in traffic and be in the black honor-wise. It may not get you out of taking a life, but it’s still more ethical than most other options offered by the financial sector.”

In related news, Living Well is no longer considered the best revenge after falling 3 points on the NASDAQ.