LONDON – U.S. President Donald Trump is reportedly ending a high profile court case, after realizing that he was no match for the overwhelming power of his opponent: The world-renowned BBC.
“Mr. Trump is a famously aggressive litigant, though one might say that his eyes were bigger than his appetite in Trump v. BBC,” explained legal analyst and Pornhub super-user Jackson Brathwaite. “The President thought he could take down the BBC, but this time it seems that he’s the one who got it in the rear.”
Trump’s legal team is reportedly making an 11th-hour attempt to block the BBC from gaining “fully penetrative” access to the president’s innermost financial records. Though the president insists he is not merely submitting to the BBC while lying down.
“How dare they say I was intimidated by BBC!!” Trump posted on his Truth Social account. “Your favorite president eats BBC for breakfast! I’ll take on this so-called BBC anywhere: in court, in a dark alley, or even in the Lincoln bedroom!”
“I just wish my old lawyer, Roy Cohn, were still alive to take on the BBC with me. He would’ve had a field day!”
At press time, First Lady Melania Trump was also seeking a date with the BBC.
