WASHINGTON D.C. – President Donald Trump and SpaceX CEO Elon Musk are reportedly feuding once again as each demands full accolades for giving the order to throttle Starlink usage for Ukrainian forces as they fight to repel Russian invaders.
“No one could have come up with the genius plan to stab Ukraine and Zelensky in the back except for me, the greatest president of all time, and also maybe Putin who told me to do it,” explained President Trump on his Truth Social platform during a 4am Adderall binge.
The President added, “Elon is a spooky creep with a weird accent, and I liked him better when Austin Powers was playing him on SNL, which is saying something because I HATE CANADIANS! #maga”
Over on X, formerly known as Twitter, former trillionaire Elon Musk demanded to receive all of the praise for unilaterally shutting down Starlink’s military-grade Starshield program without warning the Ukrainians.
“I don’t really care about Ukraine, because they’re just NPCs, but I do enjoy hurting people, which is how you know this plan was entirely me!” Musk posted between bumps of weapons-grade ketamine. “There’s no way Trump could have masterminded such an ingenious plan because he’s in the Epstein Files, which I know because I’m also in the Epstein Files.”
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a car to go pretend can fly,” Musk added, before posted 16 consecutive GrokAI-generated images of underage anime girls.
Meanwhile, the Washington D.C. press corps was focused on the truly pressing issue, whether a blonde Trump aide lied about attending law school.
