Local Archives - The Beaverton


Fuck! Group of teens just noticed you

EDMONTON – In truly alarming news it appears that a group of 8 teenagers at the mall is looking at you, a fully adult man with kids, a mortgage and a Costco membership. “Stay cool, st…


White kid’s name spelled normally

OAKVILLE – Residents are expressing concern, as it was discovered today that a local white child’s name leverages a traditional spelling. Private and public citizens alike were aghast when …


Friend has been rich this whole time

TORONTO – Local woman Maddy Humphries, 29, has discovered that her friend Kyla Mason, 28, has been hiding the fact that she is rich for the entirety of their 7 year friendship. “Kyla …