WINNIPEG – Amanda Santos, a Senior Associate Consultant from downtown Winnipeg apologized during a meeting last week, then when she realized she apologized, she apologized again. Santos had…
Local
This baby born in quarantine is 38 now
TORONTO – Local baby, Richard Henderson, born shortly after the first Ontario COVID-19 shutdown, just celebrated his 38th birthday. Henderson, who now suffers from male pattern baldness and…
“You can only trust your family!” says mother who doesn’t trust her children
PENTICTON, BC – Local mother Zeinab Mohajer has left her children dumbfounded by telling them they can only trust family after years of repeatedly showing her distrust for them. Reports ind…
“You’re not like other girls,” says man exactly like all other men
LONDON, ON — A local man indistinguishable from any other man wants the woman he just met to know that she’s “not like other girls.” Adam Adamson, 29, discovered the “girl” in question last…
“I know what I’m talking about”, says man who only read title of vaccine article
LONDON, ON – Local conspiracy theorist Grant Christopher, recently contributed to a discussion at his family table by assuring everyone that he completely understands the COVID-19 vaccine s…
Middle school girl swears her eyes change colour on command, it’s just not working right now
LONDON, ON – Sources report middle school student Jasmine Keller recently claimed in front of her whole 7th grade class that her eyes change colour on command, yet when she got up to show e…
Local man makes New Year’s Resolution not to make New Year’s Resolutions, fails
SASKATOON, SK – A local man who resolved not to make any New Year’s resolutions for 2021 has already failed to follow through. Will Knotts, 33, has been historically unlucky with his New Ye…
“2020 strikes again!” says man undergoing long overdue divorce
HAMILTON – After years of percolating marital tension and resentment, Michael Toredo has proclaimed that the recent dissolution of his marriage is just another victim of the dreaded year 2020. “Y…
“You there, boy, what day is it?” says man who hasn’t been outside since March
LONDON, ON- Local man Evan Scranton opened the windows to his bedroom early this morning, pointed at a boy passing-by and asked “You there, boy, what day is it?”, his first in-person interaction …
Local woman dies from blood loss after flossing for first time in 4 years
CALGARY – Mabel Doyle, a 24 year old graphic designer bled out in her apartment last Wednesday after attempting to floss for the first time in four years. “I’m the one who found her”, said …