HAMILTON – After years of percolating marital tension and resentment, Michael Toredo has proclaimed that the recent dissolution of his marriage is just another victim of the dreaded year 2020. “Y…
Local
“You there, boy, what day is it?” says man who hasn’t been outside since March
LONDON, ON- Local man Evan Scranton opened the windows to his bedroom early this morning, pointed at a boy passing-by and asked “You there, boy, what day is it?”, his first in-person interaction …
Local woman dies from blood loss after flossing for first time in 4 years
CALGARY – Mabel Doyle, a 24 year old graphic designer bled out in her apartment last Wednesday after attempting to floss for the first time in four years. “I’m the one who found her”, said …
“This ain’t my first rodeo,” brags man who has never even met a cow
TORONTO – After listening to a coworker explain a simple solution to a tax problem yesterday, accountant Jim Barnes was overheard confidently shooting down the advice and declaring “Listen, this …
Porch pirate disappointed stolen package only contains COVID vaccine
TORONTO – An opportunistic thief has been let down by his latest score after lifting the unattended UPS delivery from a hospital porch. “What the hell am I going to do with this?” said Tad …
“White men are the problem” says white woman who is also the problem
VANCOUVER – Reporting from a new juice bar in the gentrified neighbourhood of Chinatown, white woman, Clarissa Rogers, claimed that white men are to blame for societal inequities. “Like tod…
Local child living in sewers feels misled by Ninja Turtles
WINNIPEG – Former elementary school student Rowan Bird has been living in the sewers for several months, and feels that the popular franchise Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles has deceived him a…
30 year old uses same tone telling toddler not to eat lego as she does telling parents not to go on cruise
Kincardine, ON – Mona Lee has found herself repeatedly using the same patient but exasperated tone explaining why her toddler shouldn’t eat things that will kill him as she does when …
Local man not going to take coronavirus seriously until family member lay dying in hospital bed
WINNIPEG – Calling it one big hoax, local man Glen Harder is refusing to take the COVID-19 pandemic until it affects a loved one or someone close to him. The 42-year-old elevator technician…
Woman’s opinion about to get some really good traction after this guy says it
VANCOUVER – Local copywriter Robert Strong just made a huge contribution to the meeting by repeating a brilliant observation made by the only other woman in the group earlier when no one wa…