WASHINGTON D.C. – With Belgium defeating the United States team 4-1 to knock them out of the World Cup, U.S. President Trump has declared a 100% tariff on all waffle imports.
“This decision is totally unfair, just because the Belgian team was better and scored more points, so I am retaliating directly at their most prized export – breakfast!” shouted Trump at an Oval Office bookcase at 3am in the morning.
Sources report that, following the loss, President Trump immediately called FIFA President Giovanni “Gianni” Infantino to demand that he “unilaterally overturn Belgium’s being a country.” Upon being informed that FIFA is a sporting body with no power to redraw international borders, Trump seized upon the only other thing he knows about the European nation: waffles.
At press time Trump has demanded the halt of proposed Canadian pipelines by threatening to tariff that Tim Hortons new Ryan Reynolds donut.
