Supreme Court of Canada to donate robes to mall Santas in need
OTTAWA – The Supreme Court of Canada has announced it will donate its recently decommissioned crimson fur robes to mall Santas in need. The iconic red and white robes were officially replaced ear…
Air Transat strike averted, reads man who now has to fly home for holidays
CALGARY – Air Transat has reached a tentative deal with its pilot union, narrowly avoiding a strike on the cusp of the busy holiday travel period, meaning that Francois Tremblay, 32, will i…
TTC promises to get Finch West LRT travel time under 24 hours
“If we get signal priority sorted, you should be able to get from Finch West to Humber in only a standard business day.” Luke and the Panel (Nile Seguin, Clare Blackwood and Megan Mac…
ChatGPT cleans up hard drive to procrastinate writing your boring essay
VANCOUVER, BC – When prompted to complete your boring essay, ChatGPT chose to spend the night performing a full system cleanup on your computer instead. Sure you were assigned to write 10,0…
Canadian Ambassador resigns after Pete Hegseth accidentally blows her up
WASHINGTON D.C. – Canadian Ambassador to the United States Kirsten Hillman has abruptly resigned from her post after Secretary of War Pete Hegseth accidentally launched a high-caliber anti-ship m…
Man in his thirties having trouble finding friends because he actually sucks
Local Pub, Everywhere – Local man Fred Marston has realized how tough it is making friends in your thirties, especially when you’re kind of terrible. “It ain’t easy as you get older to meet…
Is The Temporary Foreign Worker Program working? We asked 4 Tim Hortons franchise owners, and one slum landlord
The Temporary Foreign Worker (TFW) Program allows Canadian employers to hire foreign workers to fill temporary jobs when qualified Canadians are not available, and that’s why it is complete…
Ethical store only overworks employees without anyone to spend holidays with
SMITHS FALLS, ON ― In an attempt to assuage customers’ consciences and boost last-minute Christmas Eve sales, local handmade clothing store, The Silver Thread, has announced that they will not fo…
New Stranger Things season draws on nostalgia for 2016 when it was good
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Netflix’s smash hit Stranger Things, which has drawn on influences like E.T., Nightmare On Elm Street, and Back To The Future, has used its recently-released 5th seaso…
Poilievre asks BC Conservative leader for tips on just refusing to leave
VICTORIA, B.C. – CPC leader Pierre Poilievre has expressed keen interest as news broke that BC Conservative Party leader John Rustad is unilaterally rejecting his party’s attempts to remove…
