Florida, Calgary win Stanley Cup Final
SUNRISE, FL – The Florida Panthers have defeated the Edmonton Oilers in the Stanley Cup Final, securing both Florida and Calgary their second consecutive Cup victory over Edmonton. “I’m happy my …
Meet the gay men supporting the Conservative Party: “We hate trans people more than we like having rights”
CHILLIWACK, BC – Recently, organizers of the Fraser Valley Trans Pride Festival ran into opposition when a group proclaiming themselves ‘Homos for Common Sense’ protested outside of their o…
Poilievre can’t believe he hung out with Jordan Peterson for nothing
OTTAWA – Former member of Parliament Pierre Poilievre today bemoaned the interview he gave to Jordan Peterson, saying he can’t believe he hung out with him for a whole afternoon only to hav…
Dad raises shirt a bit to air out belly, rub it
TORONTO – Local father Ray Teramoto has untucked his t-shirt to expose his hairy belly and rub it while watching television, according to sources familiar with the situation. “Tucking in hi…
“Eh, fuck it”: Montreal F1 driver takes an Uber
MONTREAL, QUEBEC – The annual Montreal Grand Prix has arrived, but one championship-winning Formula One driver decided to forego the traditional lavish displays of the competition and enter…
A Father’s Day gift he’ll never forget: 7 grams of shrooms
HAMILTON, ON – In a growing trend, some Canadian dads won’t be receiving a traditional Father’s Day gift this year. Instead of tools, flannel, or mid-tier barbecue accessories, they’ll be getting…
McGill says it’s cool if Harvard crashes on their couch until things calm down at home
MONTREAL – McGill University has proposed a temporary living arrangement to Harvard University, allowing the US school to crash on McGill’s couch until such time as things are less crazy at…
Carney invites The Mayor from Jaws to G7
“Our trade partnership Amity Island is simply too important.” Luke and the Panel (Nile Seguin, Ian MacIntyre and Clare Blackwood) talk about the ICE protests and Donald Trump turning …
Federal government opens distress hotline for Canadians forced to cheer for Oilers
OTTAWA – A new federal mental health initiative has seen the opening of a 24/7 distress hotline that will provide emergency support for Canadians who have been forced to cheer for the Oiler…
Minister of International Trade says Canada should apply for EU membership: “Canada is only 19km from France.”
OTTAWA – Minister of International Trade Maninder Sidhu has said Canada should pursue European Union membership as part of the government’s plan to diversify trade away from the United Stat…
