Poilievre prevents more MPs from leaving party by locking doors, swallowing key
OTTAWA – In an effort to prevent any more defections from caucus, party leader Pierre Poilievre has reportedly locked all Conservative MPs in an undisclosed room in Parliament Hill before swallow…
Conservative MP thinking of crossing floor wakes up with severed head of a John A. Macdonald statue in his bed
OTTAWA – Milton Smolyak, a “red tory” who has been rumoured to be mulling over a switch to the Liberal Party, woke up this morning with the severed head of a John A. Macdonald s…
We ranked the NDP leadership candidates by how likely they are to disappoint you
As Jagmeet Singh’s disastrous run of the NDP has shown, left wing politicians will always inevitably let you down. Whether it’s relentlessly pushing to the centre to court more votes, never enact…
Carney reduces Trudeau’s tree planting program from 2 billion trees to 2
“It’s a minor revision to the program’s goals.” Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood and Megan MacKay) dive into the details of Mark Carney’s budget, s…
Complex, timeless masterpiece of classical music conjures up only images of cartoon rabbit in drag
CORNWALL, ON ― 39-year-old landscaper Talia Arsenault became painfully aware of her total lack of refinement recently, when a symphony that had weathered centuries of cultural change thanks to it…
Poilievre to floor-crossing MP: “My leadership style is fine you cuck beta soyboy!”
OTTAWA – With Yarmouth MP Chris d’Entremont crossing the floor from the Conservatives to the Liberals due to “Poilievre’s leadership style”, the CPC leader has responded &…
Katy Perry smiles politely as Trudeau describes himself as “the Canadian Mamdani”
OTTAWA – Onlookers at high end restaurant La Rivière report spotting celebrity couple Katy Perry and Justin Trudeau on a recent date, during which the former Prime Minister repeatedly drew …
President Trump pardons the Hamburglar
McDonalds, D.C. – US President Donald Trump has added to his list of pardons another well-known criminal, McDonald’s mascot The Hamburglar. “He is a really great guy, this guy,” stated Trum…
Tech CEOs suggest AI job losses could be offset by UBI which they will violently oppose
PALO ALTO, CA – A group of Silicon Valley tech CEOs assure North Americans that job losses from artificial intelligence could easily be mitigated by universal basic income, while also addin…
Trump responds to Reagan ad with own commercial featuring Jean Chrétien strangling protestor
Shawinigan, Quebec – US President Donald Trump has responded to Ford’s anti-tariff commercial with his own anti-protestor commercial featuring previous Canadian prime minister Jean Chrétien…
