LOS ANGELES – Following the death of beloved 80-year-old British actor Tim Curry, observers have noted a coterie of anonymous upper crust suspects arriving at his mansion in order to investigate the mystery what actually happened to him.
Curry, the star of Rocky Horror Picture Show, Muppet Treasure Island, and countless more classics, will reportedly have his passing investigated by a motley crew of high society ne’er do wells, as well as a buxom French maid, each with their own closely-guarded secret.
“The film and theatre worlds have suffered a great loss,” explains one of the eccentric lot, who asked to only be identified as Colonel M. “But for an actor and charismatic presence as magnetic as Mr. Curry, there must be more to the story than passing away peacefully at home following a long illness. Most likely he was killed in the Observatory, using a lead pipe! But by whom?”
Another of the humorously sordid cadre, Mrs. P, concurred: “The tremendous performer who inspired generations of gleeful misfits, who helmed THE most iconic midnight movie of all time, was far too great a man to have such a mundane demise! There must be at least three versions of his death, each more amusing than the last!”
At press time, nobody in the ragtag assemblage of would-be sleuths could find a butler to help them get anything done.
In a related story, audiences concurred that too many beloved performers from Home Alone 2: Lost In New York had recently been lost, including Curry, Catherine O’Hara, and Brenda Fricker, when there was at least one obvious un-beloved 80-year-old cast member who remains alive.
