OTTAWA — A week after U.S. Ambassador to Canada Pete Hoekstra warned Canada about interfering in the upcoming U.S. midterms, Hoekstra took things one step further, announcing that for every state…
BREAKING: Brad Bradford changes mind on becoming mayor of Toronto
TORONTO – Following a commanding re-election victory by incumbent mayor Olivia Chow, second place candidate Brad Bradford is announcing that he no longer wants to be the next mayor of Toron…
Carney government promises upcoming “Operation Strike Destroyer” legislation won’t discourage future strikes
OTTAWA — After multiple labour sources warned that the Federal government would likely be issuing binding mediation legislation as early as next week, Mark Carney personally assured Canadians tha…
Carney to rename rest of Great Lakes as “Lake Legal Adult” so Trump will never want to touch them
OTTAWA – After Donald Trump signed an executive order renaming Lake Ontario “Lake America,” Prime Minister Mark Carney announced he would preemptively rename the rest of the Great Lakes as …
Report: Tim Curry’s death to be investigated by suspicious group of eccentrics gathering at his house
LOS ANGELES – Following the death of beloved 80-year-old British actor Tim Curry, observers have noted a coterie of anonymous upper crust suspects arriving at his mansion in order to invest…
BREAKING: Doug Ford challenges Donald Trump to a corruption fight in the school parking lot
QUEEN’S PARK – Ontario’s premier has officially challenged the President of the United States to a corruption fight in a parking lot behind a local Etobicoke high school. After two days of …
Beaverton Breakdown: Every Canadian premier’s demands in return for agreeing to restock American alcohol
Reports indicate Prime Minister Carney has asked Canadian premiers to remove their individual U.S. alcohol bans, as federal officials attempt to finalize a trade deal with the Trump administratio…
Doug Ford celebrates bike lane court victory with public execution of local cycling group
QUEEN’S PARK – After the Ontario Court of Appeals overruled a lower court decision stopping Doug Ford from ripping out 19 kilometres of bike lanes in Toronto today, the Ontario premier cele…
Carney vows to fast-track West Coast Pipeline before entire West Coast burns to the ground
OTTAWA – Mark Carney has officially given notice that his government will be designating Danielle Smith’s West Coast pipeline a project of national interest, allowing the massive oil and ga…
5 reasons why bailing out rich Vancouver condo developers with taxpayer money is what the free market is all about, by Mark Carney
Good afternoon, taxpayers of Canada. It is me, Mark Carney, your Definitely Liberal Prime Minister. I hope that you are all having a wonderful, fiscally profitable day. My secretary told me this …
