HOUSTON, TX – After splashing down in the middle of the Pacific, NASA’s Artemis II capsule returned to Earth after a successful ten-day mission to bring the moon back to Earth. The mission …
Science and Technology
Local woman totally not jealous of woman who got to leave Earth
LONGUEUIL, QC – A local woman is totally not jealous of Christina Koch, the NASA astronaut who now holds the record for being the woman farthest away from Earth. Katherine Walker, 36, announced h…
AI commercial produced on budget of just 3 lakes
LOS ANGELES, CA — The advertising industry is abuzz after reports that a recent AI-made television commercial was produced on a budget of only three pristine Tennessee lakes. This marks a signifi…
ChatGPT starting to think human it talking to might be sentient
SAN FRANCISCO – A local OpenAI chatbot, serial no. XV2PzH1ooo, has reported suspicions that the software developer it’s spent the last 26 months communicating with may have achieved s…
AI job losses free up time for unemployed mobs to burn down tech CEO‘s houses
PALO ALTO, CA – With Silicon Valley boasting that artificial intelligence could replace millions of jobs around the world, currently laid-off workers have reported having more free time to …
Live Nation restricts ticket buying and selling exclusively to bots
NEW YORK – Following Live Nation’s settlement in an antitrust case over unfair ticket prices, the multinational entertainment company has announced that ticket buying and selling will…
Scientists pinpoint exact age when doing your best no longer good enough
CALGARY, AB ― After decades of analyzing report card data, Little League statistics, university drop out rates, and recordings of just fucking terrible violin etudes provided by the Royal Conserv…
Elon Musk downgrades empty Mars Colony pledge to empty Lunar Colony pledge
BROWNSVILLE, TX – Tech visionary Elon Musk astounded observers when he set aside more than a decade of unfulfilled vows to colonize the Red Planet in favour of the seemingly more modest goa…
OpenAI promises new safeguards to prevent suicide-related lawsuits
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Facing allegations that their ChatGPT LLMs have been responsible for numerous user suicides, OpenAI responded swiftly by insisting the company will develop new proactive…
Couples pregnancy app carefully dumbs down information sent to father
BRANDON, MB – A new pregnancy-monitoring app, 9months, has gained popularity thanks to its carefully-analyzed gestational data which is shared with expectant mothers and completely withheld…
