WASHINGTON D.C. – Responding to criticism that his recent executive order on childhood vaccines is medically unsound, President Trump has argued that its motivation was preventing kids from being…
U.S.
Ghislaine Maxwell suicide scheduled for next Thursday
WASHINGTON D.C. – The United States Department of Justice has released a joint statement with the Federal Bureau of Prisons, announcing the tragic suicide of notorious sex trafficker and Je…
Trump unable to take on BBC
LONDON – U.S. President Donald Trump is reportedly ending a high profile court case, after realizing that he was no match for the overwhelming power of his opponent: The world-renowned BBC.…
Republicans insist Mitch McConnell resting comfortably following routine taxidermy procedure
WASHINGTON D.C. – GOP lawmakers are chastizing their Democratic colleagues, as well as members of the media, for inquiring about the 6 week disappearance of Sen. Mitch McConnell, insisting …
Trump Admin demands to know why Ottawa not paying for American smoke crossing into Canada
WASHINGTON D.C. – As President Trump threatens to tariffs due to smoke from Canadian wildfires, he is also lambasting Prime Minister Carney over failure to pay for American smoke crossing o…
U.S. Treasury unveils its Loony coin design
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The US Treasury Department has unveiled its own unique one dollar coin, officially nicknamed the “Loony.” Unlike Canada’s Loonie, which features a calming image of the mi…
Trump National Park to feature hundreds of anti-woke plants and animals
WASHINGTON, D.C. – U.S. President Donald Trump is receiving praise from his supporters after announcing last week that the upcoming Trump National Park will be home to over one hundred diff…
Republicans transfer Lindsey Graham’s remaining life force to Mitch McConnell
WASHINGTON D.C. – Under the terms of the contract signed ten years ago, President Trump ordered his longtime ally Lindsay Graham to undertake the sacred ritual of transferring his life’s es…
Graham Platner suspends senate campaign after running out of red flags
SULLIVAN, MAINE – U.S. Senate candidate Graham Platner has announced that he is suspending his campaign after running out of glaring warning signs that he is unfit for public office. “…
Trump declares 100% tariff on waffles
WASHINGTON D.C. – With Belgium defeating the United States team 4-1 to knock them out of the World Cup, U.S. President Trump has declared a 100% tariff on all waffle imports. “This de…
