WASHINGTON D.C. – As President Trump threatens to tariffs due to smoke from Canadian wildfires, he is also lambasting Prime Minister Carney over failure to pay for American smoke crossing o…
U.S.
U.S. Treasury unveils its Loony coin design
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The US Treasury Department has unveiled its own unique one dollar coin, officially nicknamed the “Loony.” Unlike Canada’s Loonie, which features a calming image of the mi…
Trump National Park to feature hundreds of anti-woke plants and animals
WASHINGTON, D.C. – U.S. President Donald Trump is receiving praise from his supporters after announcing last week that the upcoming Trump National Park will be home to over one hundred diff…
Republicans transfer Lindsey Graham’s remaining life force to Mitch McConnell
WASHINGTON D.C. – Under the terms of the contract signed ten years ago, President Trump ordered his longtime ally Lindsay Graham to undertake the sacred ritual of transferring his life’s es…
Graham Platner suspends senate campaign after running out of red flags
SULLIVAN, MAINE – U.S. Senate candidate Graham Platner has announced that he is suspending his campaign after running out of glaring warning signs that he is unfit for public office. “…
Trump declares 100% tariff on waffles
WASHINGTON D.C. – With Belgium defeating the United States team 4-1 to knock them out of the World Cup, U.S. President Trump has declared a 100% tariff on all waffle imports. “This de…
RFK Jr: Women who don’t shave their pits cause autism
WASHINGTON D.C. – United States Secretary of Health and Human Services Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has declared that women who don’t shave their armpits cause autism. “Finally, after years of hard work…
Vance, Rubio compete in White House UFC undercard
WASHINGTON D.C. – As part of the UFC Freedom 250 match, President Donald J. Trump’s demanded an 80th birthday present to himself which saw Vice President JD Vance and Secretary of Sta…
Guys who get punched in the head for a living worried about Trump’s cognitive state
WASHINGTON, D.C. – As the White House hosts an Ultimate Fighting Championship event on its South Lawn, several competitors who are paid to issue and receive concussions expressed concern ab…
B4-4, Sugar Jones, Serial Joe announce withdrawal from Trump’s Freedom 250 Celebration
WASHINGTON D.C. – After facing cancellations from numerous d-list musicians, organizers of the Trump-aligned Freedom 250 Celebration have reportedly also seen withdrawals from similarly obs…
