WASHINGTON D.C. – With the entire U.S. air travel network still in chaos following a shut down of the country’s airspace for several hours, White House staff are frantically trying to prod President Trump to remember which Saudi prince or foreign dictator he sold the entire Air Traffic system to.
“I mean, (Crown Prince Mohammed) bin Salman dropped a few hundred million into my crypto exchange, maybe that’s what it was for,” mused the disinterested president, while aides desperately combed through two years of back-channel arms deals and secret industry privatizations.
As the president idly watched scenes of airport backups play out on Fox News, newly-appointed Chief of Staff Stephen Miller shrieked at aides to recall whether Trump had personally sold the United States’ entire Air Traffic Control system to Kim Jong Un, Jeff Bezos, or just gave it to Don Jr. as a second wedding present.
“I have a vague memory of dad throwing in the air traffic system as a bonus gift when Mr. Putin was paying him to sabotage Ukraine’s defenses! Was that it,” called out a panicked Eric Trump, as nobody listened to him.
Meanwhile, Secretary of State Marco Rubio insisted Trump had gifted the air traffic system to Elon Musk “for his DOGE boys to play like a video game until GTA 6 comes out”, whereas Vice President JD Vance insisted the air traffic system had been sold off to private equity and entirely replaced with ChatGPT.
At press time, U.S. Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy was screaming at stranded American travellers “You will have more of these!” regarding future air traffic shutdowns, before exiting to film his audition tape for MTV’s Real World/Road Rules Challenge Reunion Special.
