CANADA – Canadians across the country have collectively unleashed a sigh of agonized frustration while simultaneously stating “Again with this bullshit?” “Help me out in u…
Tag: USA
U.S. Treasury unveils its Loony coin design
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The US Treasury Department has unveiled its own unique one dollar coin, officially nicknamed the “Loony.” Unlike Canada’s Loonie, which features a calming image of the mi…
“I would never have agreed to be a diplomat in Canada if I knew I’d have to be diplomatic to Canadians,” says Pete Hoekstra
OTTAWA – Tensions between Canada and the United States flared this week when US Ambassador Pete Hoekstra was captured on a live microphone admitting that he regretted his decision to accept…
Republicans transfer Lindsey Graham’s remaining life force to Mitch McConnell
WASHINGTON D.C. – Under the terms of the contract signed ten years ago, President Trump ordered his longtime ally Lindsay Graham to undertake the sacred ritual of transferring his life’s es…
U.S. “We demand Canada stop this alcohol boycott that isn’t working and also we don’t even care”
WASHINGTON D.C. – U.S. lawmakers are demanding several Canada provinces not only stock their spirits again, but also formally acknowledge that the anti-tariff boycott wasn’t working a…
Graham Platner suspends senate campaign after running out of red flags
SULLIVAN, MAINE – U.S. Senate candidate Graham Platner has announced that he is suspending his campaign after running out of glaring warning signs that he is unfit for public office. “…
“Democratic socialists are taking over!!” declared about US politicians who would at best be Canadian Red Tories
NEW YORK STATE – In the wake of several progressive Democratic primary victories, American pundits have expressed extreme concern over the victors’ “far left politics” des…
Trump, Lutnick, and Hoekstra forget which of them got paid off to halt Gordie Howe Bridge
WINDSOR, ON – Trump administration officials are struggling to remember which of them specifically was bribed by billionaire donors to block the opening of the recently-constructed Gordie H…
RFK Jr: Women who don’t shave their pits cause autism
WASHINGTON D.C. – United States Secretary of Health and Human Services Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has declared that women who don’t shave their armpits cause autism. “Finally, after years of hard work…
American soldiers equipped with silencers to avoid waking sleeping stock market
WASHINGTON, DC – As rising tensions in the Persian Gulf bring renewed fears of rising oil prices, US Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth has reassured the nation that all US soldiers deployed…
