BRUSSELS – A recent statement by the European Union has clarified that the bloc’s main interest in Canada becoming an Associate Member is to get them to take away some of the junk the United Kingdom forgot at their headquarters.
“Canads is a growing nation with much to offer Europe. Like storage space and junk removal services.” Said EU President Ursula von der Leyen. “Look, we would take it to them ourselves, but it’s still kind of awkward seeing them again since the whole Brexit thing. You guys are in the Commonwealth; it’ll be easier coming from you! It’s just such a pain to have to get so many visas now.”
“Seriously, how many flags does one country need!”
Prime Minister Mark Carney stated that the nation would be interested in taking up the EU’s offer, albeit reluctantly.
“We are happy to assist our new partners in building a better workplace and tightening our relationship, but we really think you guys should talk to Britain. You guys are still going to see them at trade events, soccer games, and wars. It might be good to check up on them and make sure they aren’t turning into one of those lonely conservative nations you see posting hateful stuff online from government computers. ”
“They’re only an English channel away.”
According to rumor, the Canadian government is forming a committee to go through the stuff retrieved from the UK’s former office, to determine which items they would send back to Britain, which they would ask to keep, and which would be sold on Facebook Marketplace. Among the items to be retrieved are some used office furniture, various computers, and 10% of the UK’s economic value.
At press time the French could not contain their excitement to have more opportunities to look down on Quebecois.
Image: Lukasz Kobus
