Quiz: Should you watch Barbie, Oppenheimer or 2008 Canadian WWI drama Passchendaele - The Beaverton

Quiz: Should you watch Barbie, Oppenheimer or 2008 Canadian WWI drama Passchendaele

It’s the battle that has already launched a thousand memes: v. Oppenheimer v. ’ 15 year old First World War melodrama . But how do you know which one to see first? Well just answer a few questions and we’ll be able to tell you with certainty which movie is up your alley.

1 What is your favourite colour?
Pink
Grey
A muddy brown, like a battlefield in Europe where its been raining for days
2. What is your favourite movie snack
Candy
Eating makes it even harder to hear the dialogue
Butter Tarts
3. What is your favourite movie trope
Self-aware winks to camera
A driven man sacrifices his personal life for the greater good
When a movie is advertised as a war pic but spends the majority of its run-time in 1917 Calgary for budgetary reasons
4. Who is your favourite actor?
That guy from Young Hercules
That guy from Peaky Blinders
That guy from Train 48
5. Where do you like sitting in a movie theatre?
In the middle surrounded by friends
Back row in the corner
In an empty movie theatre, starting to wonder if this movie isn't going to be the 'Canadian Saving Private Ryan' like you hoped it would be
6. What should the climax of a movie accomplish?
Set up spinoffs for other toy based films
Leave you questioning if humanity is doomed
Make you go 'what? What the fuck? Was this supposed to be a Christian allegory this whole time?'
7. Before taking this had you ever heard of the movie Passchendaele?
Absolutely Not
Absolutely Not
I was in it
Quiz: Should you see Barbie, Oppenheimer or 2008 Canadian WWI drama Passchendaele
Fine. Watch Barbie.
You're ready for a good time with the girls and the fellas. But before you go get beached off just remember: if you were a real Canadian you wouldn't be flocking to see some fancy Hollywood movie that happens to star two Canadians, you'd be watching a made-in-Canada movie where a guy runs into a German trench for no reason and is then blown up but survives and does not appear to learn any kind of lesson.
Quiz: Should you see Barbie, Oppenheimer or 2008 Canadian WWI drama Passchendaele
Fine. Watch Oppenheimer.
Go ahead and see a movie critics are already calling Nolan's best . Enjoy the world-class cinematography, unbelievable and surprisingly audible dialogue. Just remember: for what we assume is only 2.99 on Apple TV you could enjoy a night at home with Canadian sweetheart Paul Gross as he strains to work in enough 'Canada became a nation during this war' platitudes to please the funding agencies while telling a story that really didn't have anything to do with that.
Quiz: Should you see Barbie, Oppenheimer or 2008 Canadian WWI drama Passchendaele
You should watch Slings & Arrows
We like Paul Gross too but despite the answers you gave we just can't recommend you watch Passchendaele. It's just very not good. So why not enjoy a fun farcical about the behind the scenes goings on of a Stratford-esque theatre company. Paul Gross is way more charming in it and he doesn't even stab a man in the face. Mark McKinney is in it too! And Rachel McAdams. She seems nice.
Reactions?!
  •  ♥ 
  •  🍆 
  • LOL 
  • YAAAAS 
  • NAAAAS 
  • I do not know how I feel about this 
  • I just want to click a button