OTTAWA – Reports from homes across the nation have indicated that they’ve hurt their back shovelling snow once again. “God dammit, my fucking back,” said Keith, David, Ste…
Virtual schooling during snow day crashes Ontario’s ‘12 year olds shovelling your driveway for 10 bucks’ economy
TORONTO – The announcement that schools closed due to snow would still require students to attend via remote learning has thrown Ontario’s vital ’12 year olds ringing the doorbe…
Friend clearly trying to one-up your ‘I got COVID despite not going anywhere’ story
TORONTO – After you posted that you tested positive for COVID despite barely leaving the house, friends in the comments took the opportunity to advise that they too have been diagnosed with…
“Sure Omicron may be 100% more infectious, but it’s 15% less deadly so everything will be fine,” says man who is real good at math
Red Deer, AB – As data comes forward indicating the Omicron variant is twice as infectious as Delta but possibly causes 10-15% less deaths amidst those it infects, local math expert Dalton …
Leafs fan instinctively starts singing Hall & Oates anytime something good happens to him
TORONTO – After 3 years of hearing Hall & Oates hit ‘You Make My Dreams’ blast through Scotiabank Arena every time the Leafs score a goal, die-hard fan Matthew Minden has be…
Doug Ford starting to feel like he should maybe look into this whole Omicron thing
TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford is said to be considering taking “a big look” at the Omicron variant that is currently causing Ontario’s COVID case numbers to explode. “…
Ford: when I blamed young people for spreading COVID, I specifically meant my daughter Krista
TORONTO – Walking back his comments from several months ago that young Ontarians are responsible for rising COVID case counts, Premier Doug Ford clarified that it’s not all young peop…
Diplomats who spent 4 years training for Beijing Olympics furious over boycott
OTTAWA – After Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced a diplomatic boycott for the upcoming Beijing Olympics, Canada’s diplomats are expressing outrage that they spent so long traini…
Single drop of sweat falls down local dad’s face as he tells daycare worker his child doesn’t have runny nose
TORONTO – As local father Jalen Hart told the worker asking COVID checklist questions at the front entrance of the Little Tot’s Playhouse daycare that his child Marcus did not have a …
Study: MPs spend majority of their time fantasizing about beating up Pierre Poilievre
OTTAWA – An independent study tracking how our elected Members of Parliament spend their day has found that, in average work week, the majority of an MPs time is spent sitting at their desk…