OTTAWA – Mark Carney is declaring victory after he was able to work out a deal to finally open the TrumpCoin International Bridge, sponsored by Trumpstore.com
“Canadians have been waiting for the chance to cross the TrumpCoin International Bridge ever since it was first announced in the early 2010s,” said Carney while loading heavy canvas bags with $ signs on them into the back of a van heading for D.C. “And now they will be able to, just as soon as we finish paying for the right to open the bridge we paid for.”
“Sign up for a monthly bridge pass and you get a Trump Bible for 50% off!” he added.
Many have pointed out the bridge was originally supposed to be named for legendary Red Wings player Gordie Howe, but Carney insists the plan was always to name it after a meme coin that is part of a diverse array of financial instruments Trump has been using to profit off the Presidency.
“There is always some give and take when it comes to negotiation. But in the long run the concessions we have made, whether it be putting Trump’s face on the signage, giving him all the money the bridge makes on nights and weekends, or letting Don Jr. christen the bridge with an 8 ball of blow are all pretty minor if you think about it.”
The full name of the bridge will now be the TrumpCoin International Bridge, sponsored by Trumpstore.com, presented by Trump fragrances (“smell like the Donald”).
“Look, even Gordie Howe didn’t have his elbows up all the time!” added Carney.
Carney added that he thinks it will only take about 5-7 more complete negotiating cave ins before Trump renews CUSMA.
