OTTAWA – A somber Justin Trudeau announced today that due to the controversy surrounding his family’s links with the charity he’d tapped to administer almost a billion dollars in funding fo…
National
As U.S. celebrates 155 years since end of slavery, Canada celebrates 153 years of pretending we never had slavery
OTTAWA – Yesterday the U.S. commemorated Juneteenth, the day widely regarded as marking the official end of slavery in the U.S., and today Canada is preparing to celebrate our 153rd straigh…
Canada wins seat on UN Insecurity Council
NEW YORK – Claiming that they “will probably just fuck it up like we always do”, Canadian diplomats celebrated the country’s election to a seat on the United Nations Insecurity Council. “It…
Trudeau ends arrests for CERB fraud after discovering money is being hidden in foreign tax havens
OTTAWA – Justin Trudeau has ended his investigation into CERB fraud after his government discovered the money stolen is being hidden in foreign tax havens. The investigation began when the …
Jagmeet Singh kicked out of House for breaking parliamentary rules against telling the truth
OTTAWA – NDP Leader Jagmeet Singh was removed from the House of Commons yesterday for violating the rule against saying true things about structural racism and MPs roles in upholding it. “T…
Government urges Canadians worried about maxing out CERB payments to become police officers, get suspended with pay
OTTAWA — With Canada Emergency Response Benefit (CERB) payments set to end for many Canadians, the government is encouraging anyone with financial concerns to get hired as a police officer, engag…
Trudeau dangles suspected fraudster over balcony, demanding to know where his CERB money is
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is currently dangling local waiter Oliver Henderson over an apartment balcony, demanding repayment of all CERB funds paid to him. “You knew you were i…
Trudeau promises to be aware of systemic racism in Canada as long as he doesn’t have to do anything about it
OTTAWA – As demonstrations erupted this week across the continent and the world to protest racism and police brutality, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau today made it clear that he is aware of…
White man pretty sure he needs to weigh in on this conversation
TORONTO – As racial tensions rise across the U.S. and Canada local Caucasian male Robert Wiser finally feels he has been silent for long enough. “I think it’s high time I stepped in and gav…
Canada’s newspapers now entirely owned by stock villains from children’s movies
TORONTO – With the sale of TorStar, the publishing company that owns the Toronto Star and dozens of other papers, to a pair of wealthy tycoons, the Canadian newspaper industry is now wholly…