OTTAWA — Prime Minister Mark Carney has announced that the first use of Canada’s new sovereign wealth fund will be to purchase a Saudi Arabian soccer team and festoon it with Canadian branding. “…
World
Netanyahu claims Israel must permanently occupy south Lebanon in self-defence following ground invasion
JERUSALEM – The Israeli government announced their military would permanently occupy southern Lebanon following their initial invasion earlier this month. “This is just a precautionary move…
Hungary admits it voted out Orbán just to see look on JD Vance’s face
BUDAPEST ― The Central European nation of Hungary celebrated the victory of Péter Magyar today, and specifically, the accompanying incredibly silly scowl it put on JD Vance’s already perpetually-…
Trump to allies: “Which of you fucking losers wants to secure the Strait of Hormuz?”
WASHINGTON D.C. – With the Strait of Hormuz shut down by Iranian forces following the U.S.-Israel-led invasion, President Donald Trump has publicly invited his “pathetic baby NATO all…
Americans demand to know who they have to bomb to lower gas prices
HOUSTON, TX – American consumers shocked by sharply rising gas prices demonstrated their keen understanding of global geopolitics by demanding that the Department of War bomb some foreign c…
Justin Trudeau offers tips on political dynasties to Iran’s newly-chosen supreme leader, Mojtaba Khamenei
TEHRAN – Mojtaba Khamenei, the son of Iran’s recently-assassinated Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, has been chosen as the country’s new supreme leader, leading to call from former Canad…
Trump assures Congress that Netanyahu has a plan for Iran invasion
WASHINGTON D.C. – Faced with criticism that he has no strategy or timeline for his sudden invasion of Iran, President Trump insisted to Congress that a plan does exist and that it has been …
Analysis: Ayatollah’s death fails to deliver Trump his dead father’s approval
WASHINGTON D.C. – Following the confirmed death of Iran Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei in U.S.-led airstrikes, observers question whether Iran’s allies will retaliate, and also wheth…
U.S. legal scholars baffled as Prince Andrew arrested for Epstein ties, Korean president sentenced for insurrection
WASHINGTON, D.C. – America’s top legal minds have reported utter bafflement at the news that former prince Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor was arrested by U.K. police due to his connections with…
Canada invokes NATO Article 5 against Sweden following Olympic curling conflict
NORTH SEA – Following a dispute at the 2026 Winter Olympics in which the Swedish team accused Canadian players of cheating, Prime Minister Mark Carney has mobilized the whole of the Canadia…
