TORONTO – As millions of Canadians go about their summer, the strains of George Frideric Handel’s Messiah are providing a backdrop to countless barbeques, pool parties, and weekends at the cabin.…
Culture
Kardashian under fire after using Shroud of Turin as makeup sponge
BEVERLY HILLS, CA – The world’s most famous influencer, law student, and vessel through which Kris Jenner’s business aptitude flows has run into yet another controversy. Earlier this week, …
Half-hearted audience response kills Tinkerbell
NIAGARA-ON-THE-LAKE, ONT. — A production of Peter Pan at the Shaw and Stratford Festival took an unexpected turn when the audience’s half-hearted applause failed to save the imperiled life of Tin…
Representation Win! This new queer show features a buff gay man
MONTREAL, QC – Fans are calling for a representation win after this new queer show features a buff gay man. “The 2slgbtq+ community is such a diverse community,” began showrunner Max Gould.…
Sitcom mom three years older than sitcom daughter
VANCOUVER – Today it was discovered that actress Sally Ruth is just three years older than her sitcom daughter Dana Fields. Their relationship has been a recurring B-plot on Killing Time, C…
HBO celebrates 15 years of everyone insisting YOU HAVE GOT TO WATCH THE WIRE!
NEW YORK – HBO is celebrating the twentieth anniversary of The Wire’s debut, and the fifteenth anniversary of people finding out that oh my god you haven’t seen The Wire? Like, any of it?? …
Jury rules wife beater is bigger celebrity than beaten wife
FAIRFAX, VA – At the Fairfax County Circuit Courthouse a jury has reached a verdict: that known wife beater Johnny Depp is indeed more famous than Amber Heard, his beaten ex-wife. “This ver…
New Star Wars series to explore backstory of the Mos Eisley cantina band
LOS ANGELES — An iconic part of Star Wars lore is finally getting its day in the sweltering sun. The Mos Eisley cantina band, comprising seven Bith who love jizz, is getting its own Disney+ serie…
New Jurassic Park movie will finally show the dinosaurs having sex
Isla Nublar – After two novels and five movies in the series, Universal Pictures has announced that the upcoming film, Jurassic World Dominion will finally show what audiences have been wai…
What are the odds? Marmaduke and Garfield both up to some real bullshit today
LETHBRIDGE – According to local sources, the shenanigans occurring on the comics page of the morning newspaper are completely out of control. “I sat down to have my coffee and the very first thin…