HOLLYWOOD, CA – Following a new BBC report accusing actor Jared Leto of sexually assaulting four women when they were underage, the film star has responded by questioning what further actio…
Culture
Québécois rock duo Angine de poitrine tops Spotify’s global charts, earns enough to pay for Spotify Premium
SAGUENAY, QC – After topping Spotify’s global charts, the Québécois rock duo Angine de poitrine has reportedly earned enough from the streaming service to pay for the equivalent of “one month of …
Canada cleared to enter Eurovision if they promise not to sing in Canadian French
PRAGUE – After receiving full membership in the European Broadcasting Union following a general assembly vote, Canada has been cleared to enter the popular international Eurovision song con…
Local man willing to overlook the military-industrial complex for two hours to enjoy Top Gun
OWEN SOUND – In an age where the concept of the guilty pleasure currently reigns supreme, just how far is the average citizen willing to go with that guilt? This week, an exclusive interview with…
New Canadian Content laws specify 55% of pop stars dated by former Prime Ministers must be Canadian
OTTAWA – A recent amendment to Canadian content laws has set a minimum quota for the celebrity partners of former Canadian Prime Ministers, requiring at least 55% of pop stars dated by reti…
B4-4, Sugar Jones, Serial Joe announce withdrawal from Trump’s Freedom 250 Celebration
WASHINGTON D.C. – After facing cancellations from numerous d-list musicians, organizers of the Trump-aligned Freedom 250 Celebration have reportedly also seen withdrawals from similarly obs…
Boomer Dad loses Asian restaurant privileges
BARRIE, ON – After decades of refusal to comply with his family’s requests, local dad, Chris White, 77, has finally lost his Asian restaurant privileges. The decision was finalized after an argum…
Armageddon 2: Asteroid saves Earth from U.S. in Michael Bay sequel
LOS ANGELES – Twenty-eight years after Bruce Willis and a ragtag crew of oil drillers saved humanity from cosmic annihilation, Hollywood is finally answering the question nobody asked: Wha…
BREAKING: This nepo baby sure hates it when you call them a nepo baby
Los Angeles, CA – Recent interviews with famous people who have benefitted from their familiar relations have gone sour as interviewers correctly described them as nepo babies. “I am not a …
Andrew Tate says “chances of him visiting Canada are zero” after learning nation frowns on indicted sex offenders
BUCHAREST, ROMANIA – Notorious manosphere influencer and indicted sex trafficker Andrew Tate announced on his podcast that he will never set foot in Canada, specifically after learning the …
