Brisbane announced as next city to be blighted with unholy curse of the Olympics
BRISBANE – Announced for the year 2032, Brisbane, Australia has been selected to become the next unfortunate city to be blighted with the unholy curse that is hosting the Olympic Games. Des…
Canada changes national anthem to “O Fuck, Y’All, Here Comes Canada”
TOKYO – The Olympics’ closing ceremonies were interrupted by Canada’s confident new anthem, which announced itself with sirens and airhorns. After a hype man shouted “O fuck, y’all, here comes Ca…
Olympic dressage horses sent home in disgrace for ignoring sex ban
TOKYO – Scandal has rocked the Olympics as dressage horses Bella Rose and Dream Boy were caught violating the ban on sex between athletes. “COVID forced us to re-evaluate our normally permissive …
NHL’s plan to become league that only caters to MRAs, alt-right trolls and creepy uncles going great
TORONTO – The NHL is reporting progress in their plan to drive away all but their most disturbed and depraved fans by choosing to support sexual offenders and violent, racist trolls. “…
Canada’s male Olympians dream of one day growing up to be as good as Canada’s female Olympians
TOKYO – The men representing Canada at the Tokyo Olympics have expressed their hope that, one day, they could be as good at their sports as the women representing Canada at the Tokyo Olympi…
CBC forced to exclusively cover Cameroon’s Olympians after selecting wrong country in licensing menu
TOKYO – CBC reporters are rushing to familiarise themselves with the Cameroonian Olympic team after the broadcaster accidentally acquired the country’s rights. “And there’s Hortence Atangana, the…
Leafs fans think team should trade their bad players for other teams’ good players
TORONTO – With the NHL offseason in full swing Leafs fans have begun engaging in their usual speculation and prognostication concerning how the team could make itself better by trading some…
Team that wasn’t subject to Salary Cap better than teams that were
Tampa Bay, FL – The Tampa Bay Lightning won the Stanley Cup last night, proving once and for all that, in a salary cap league, a team that blatantly exceeds the salary cap will usually be b…
