OTTAWA — Prime Minister Mark Carney has announced that the first use of Canada’s new sovereign wealth fund will be to purchase a Saudi Arabian soccer team and festoon it with Canadian branding. “…
Sports
Oilers fans furious that play they admit was a goal was called a goal
EDMONTON – In the wake of the Oilers loss last night, which has put them on the wrong side of a 3-1 series lead, Oilers fans are furious that the referees called Anaheim’s OT winner a…
Local man sent for psych evaluation after saying he enjoys sports without gambling
WINNIPEG – Local crisis workers have sent 32-year-old Ronald Alexander to Victoria General Hospital for psychological tests following disturbing reports that he has “never put money down on a sin…
US loses World Baseball Classic bet, has to give Venezula their oil back
WASHINGTON, DC – Following their upset victory in the World Baseball Classic finals against the United States, the Venezuelan interim government is immediately collecting their winnings fro…
Max Scherzer re-signs with Blues Jays for chance to win, get even with guy who cut him off on DVP
DUNEDIN, FL – In an effort to address unresolved trauma from the 2025 season, veteran pitcher ‘Mad’ Max Scherzer announced he will re-sign with the Toronto Blue Jays to give himself another shot …
Heated Rivalry fans unfamiliar with concept hockey players might be gross
TORONTO – Fans of the smash hit romance show Heated Rivalry, many of whom have also become fans of hockey, are expressing confusion at the discovery that the overwhelming majority of real l…
Evil spirit inside Olympic stuffed animal now controls Nathan MacKinnon’s mortal soul
MILAN – After the devastating loss to Team USA in the men’s hockey gold medal game on Sunday afternoon, it would appear that CBC broadcast cameras at the 2026 Winter Olympic Games captured the ve…
REPORT: Mark Carney calls Canadian Men’s Hockey locker room to offer consolation RRSP advice
MILAN – Following the leaking of locker room footage of the gold medal winning USA team receiving a call from US President Donald Trump with congratulations, footage has now come to light o…
Trump demands Canada give him all their Olympic medals
OTTAWA – Following the closing ceremonies of the 2026 Winter Olympics, Canada’s athletes received an unusual message from President of the United States Donald Trump, stating simply “…
Nation returns to Heated Rivalry to watch Canadians get fucked in a good way
OTTAWA – Following a heartbreaking 2-1 loss to Team USA at the Winter Olympics, viewers nationwide started a rewatch of the hockey romance series, Heated Rivalry, in search of a more uplift…
