OTTAWA – Reports from the Canada-U.S. trade talks indicates that the Trump Administration made a last-minute demand for the public execution of beloved Québécois celebrity Bonhomme Carnaval.
The talks, which Prime Minister Carney scuttled late Friday night, were reportedly derailed by numerous “poison pill” trade provisions from the U.S delegation – namely an insistence from Secretary of Commerce Howard Lutnick for decreased French language protections, starting with the televised hanging of Quebec’s most culturally significant figure.
“Shows what these American pigs know – Bonhomme cannot even be killed by conventional means,” said Quebec Premier Christine Fréchette, as Bonhomme was moved to a secure location.
While Carney’s delegation was unwilling to trade away Bonhomme’s security for a trade deal, further reports indicate that they were willing to offer up Drake as a concession.
At press time Victor, the Just For Laughs mascot, had gone into hiding just in case.
