WASHINGTON D.C. – President Donald J. Trump has pledged to extract terrible, systematic revenge on all of Canada for daring to enter talks with the European Union, just as soon as he finish…
Tag: Canada
Trump says Canada having more friends is bullying
WASHINGTON, D.C. – United States President Donald Trump has blasted Canada’s recent proposed alliance up to the European Union, insisting the new partnership is tantamount to picking on him…
EU asks Canada to join in hopes they take some stuff Britain left at their office
BRUSSELS – A recent statement by the European Union has clarified that the bloc’s main interest in Canada becoming an Associate Member is to get them to take away some of the junk the Unite…
Canada confirms defence strategy against invasion mainly waiting for Americans to die from preventable illnesses
OTTAWA – Last weekend, Canada’s Ministry of National Defence confirmed their main strategy to fend off a potential invasion from the United States is to wait for American forces to be…
Google Maps changes name to Lake America after people start to forget tech giants also pretty awful
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA – Google Maps has changed the name of Lake Ontario to “Lake America” for their U.S. users, after realizing President Trump’s willful malevolence had dist…
Canada’s nerds demand state funeral for Montreal-born voice of Optimus Prime
OTTAWA – Following news of the passing of Montreal-born actor Peter Cullen, best known as the voice of Optimus Prime, nerds across Canada are demanding Ottawa hold a state funeral for the l…
Tariff talks that you assumed already collapsed collapse
OTTAWA — Minutes before President Trump’s midnight deadline, tariff talks between Canada and the United States that you assumed failed weeks ago failed. Prime Minister Carney addressed the nation…
Art Of The Deal author fails to secure deal with friendliest nation on planet
WASHINGTON D.C. – President Trump, a man who was elected based on his self-proclaimed “deal-making genius”, has failed to secure a trade deal with Canada, a nation most known fo…
Beaverton Breakdown: Every Canadian premier’s demands in return for agreeing to restock American alcohol
Reports indicate Prime Minister Carney has asked Canadian premiers to remove their individual U.S. alcohol bans, as federal officials attempt to finalize a trade deal with the Trump administratio…
Trump throws himself military parade after bravely chickening out on Canadian tariffs
WASHINGTON D.C. – Hours after heroically declaring a pause on tariffs aimed at destroying the Canadian economy, President Trump has organized yet another military parade for himself to comm…
