OTTAWA – Following news of the passing of Montreal-born actor Peter Cullen, best known as the voice of Optimus Prime, nerds across Canada are demanding Ottawa hold a state funeral for the l…
Tag: Canada
Tariff talks that you assumed already collapsed collapse
OTTAWA — Minutes before President Trump’s midnight deadline, tariff talks between Canada and the United States that you assumed failed weeks ago failed. Prime Minister Carney addressed the nation…
Art Of The Deal author fails to secure deal with friendliest nation on planet
WASHINGTON D.C. – President Trump, a man who was elected based on his self-proclaimed “deal-making genius”, has failed to secure a trade deal with Canada, a nation most known fo…
Beaverton Breakdown: Every Canadian premier’s demands in return for agreeing to restock American alcohol
Reports indicate Prime Minister Carney has asked Canadian premiers to remove their individual U.S. alcohol bans, as federal officials attempt to finalize a trade deal with the Trump administratio…
Trump throws himself military parade after bravely chickening out on Canadian tariffs
WASHINGTON D.C. – Hours after heroically declaring a pause on tariffs aimed at destroying the Canadian economy, President Trump has organized yet another military parade for himself to comm…
Canadians just so goddamn tired of this bullshit
CANADA – Canadians across the country have collectively unleashed a sigh of agonized frustration while simultaneously stating “Again with this bullshit?” “Help me out in u…
Meet the Canadian civil servant responsible for sending our wildfire smoke to the U.S.
With wildfire smoke drifting down from Canada into Michigan, New York and other states, numerous Americans have once again taken to social media to complain about Canada ruining their summers and…
“I would never have agreed to be a diplomat in Canada if I knew I’d have to be diplomatic to Canadians,” says Pete Hoekstra
OTTAWA – Tensions between Canada and the United States flared this week when US Ambassador Pete Hoekstra was captured on a live microphone admitting that he regretted his decision to accept…
“Democratic socialists are taking over!!” declared about US politicians who would at best be Canadian Red Tories
NEW YORK STATE – In the wake of several progressive Democratic primary victories, American pundits have expressed extreme concern over the victors’ “far left politics” des…
Trump, Lutnick, and Hoekstra forget which of them got paid off to halt Gordie Howe Bridge
WINDSOR, ON – Trump administration officials are struggling to remember which of them specifically was bribed by billionaire donors to block the opening of the recently-constructed Gordie H…
