NEW YORK STATE – In the wake of several progressive Democratic primary victories, American pundits have expressed extreme concern over the victors’ “far left politics” des…
Tag: Canada
Trump, Lutnick, and Hoekstra forget which of them got paid off to halt Gordie Howe Bridge
WINDSOR, ON – Trump administration officials are struggling to remember which of them specifically was bribed by billionaire donors to block the opening of the recently-constructed Gordie H…
Mark Carney named next UK Prime Minister
LONDON – In the wake of Keir Starmer’s resignation as PM, Labour Party officials have announced a plan to select Canada’s Mark Carney as party leader and Prime Minister. “…
Hockey Night In Canada moves from CBC to Rogers; Canadian Cultural Identity reduced to butter tarts, Eugene Levy
OTTAWA – With CBC losing the rights to air Hockey Night In Canada, meaning fans must now pay to watch it on Rogers Sportsnet, the entirety of Canadian culture now consists solely of butter …
Upper Middle Class redefined as being able to watch YouTube without ads
NATIONWIDE – A recent study of Canadian living standards has found that the modern-day equivalent of being in the lower end of the upper social classes is spending money on a monthly YouTub…
WORLD CUP: Canada ties with Bosnia-Herzegovina, reignites WWI
TORONTO – Canada’s 1-1 World Cup tie with Bosnia-Herzegovina has officially reignited World War One, forcing Canadians to rejoin the Allied forces. Canada’s inability to defeat …
Report: Carney’s plan to protect Canada from US aggression to relocate entire country to Europe
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark Carney has reportedly settled on a last-ditch initiative to keep Canada safe from American instability: physically moving the entire nation to the continent of …
New Canadian Content laws specify 55% of pop stars dated by former Prime Ministers must be Canadian
OTTAWA – A recent amendment to Canadian content laws has set a minimum quota for the celebrity partners of former Canadian Prime Ministers, requiring at least 55% of pop stars dated by reti…
Local nerd disappointed he didn’t get the long form census
TATAMAGOUCHE, NS – An event five years in anticipation turned to bitter disappointment this week, as a local census dweeb did not receive the coveted long form questionnaire. Local insuffer…
Canada uses new sovereign wealth fund to buy Saudi Arabian soccer team
OTTAWA — Prime Minister Mark Carney has announced that the first use of Canada’s new sovereign wealth fund will be to purchase a Saudi Arabian soccer team and festoon it with Canadian branding. “…
