OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark Carney has reportedly settled on a last-ditch initiative to keep Canada safe from American instability: physically moving the entire nation to the continent of …
Tag: Canada
New Canadian Content laws specify 55% of pop stars dated by former Prime Ministers must be Canadian
OTTAWA – A recent amendment to Canadian content laws has set a minimum quota for the celebrity partners of former Canadian Prime Ministers, requiring at least 55% of pop stars dated by reti…
Local nerd disappointed he didn’t get the long form census
TATAMAGOUCHE, NS – An event five years in anticipation turned to bitter disappointment this week, as a local census dweeb did not receive the coveted long form questionnaire. Local insuffer…
Canada uses new sovereign wealth fund to buy Saudi Arabian soccer team
OTTAWA — Prime Minister Mark Carney has announced that the first use of Canada’s new sovereign wealth fund will be to purchase a Saudi Arabian soccer team and festoon it with Canadian branding. “…
#1 Canadian summer destination is getting away from Poilievre
OTTAWA – Trendspotters have identified the hottest destination for Canadians this summer, and it is putting as much distance as possible between you and Pierre Poilievre. From Acadie-Anapol…
Loblaws pretty sure people won’t care that coconuts labelled as “Canadian”
ETOBICOKE, ON – Despite individual stores receiving fines for mislabelling some foods as Canadian, Loblaws head office remains confident that Canadian shoppers will not notice their new pol…
Carney says he supports US invading Iran, Cuba, and possibly Canada “with some regret”
“It’s a good thing that Trump is the most peaceful president in history who ends all wars, right?” This week host Clare Blackwood and the Panel (Megan MacKay, Nile Séguin, and s…
Help! The cast of Mr. D won’t stop reuniting
Halifax, NS – The stars of beloved Canadian sitcom Mr. D reunited for some adorable pictures over the weekend, but fans and producers are begging them to stop. “We’re begging Gerry to promote Fam…
Ben Mulroney accidentally shares video with fake footage of him being a respected media figure
TORONTO – Ben Mulroney, temporary host of Global News’ political affairs program The West Block and self-proclaimed “Not A Journalist,” recently accidentally shared a fake footage video of …
“Pierre is the Conservative Party’s Justin Trudeau” reads tearful Poilievre in CPC men’s room
“I used to say Conservatives weren’t funny, but now I’m changing my mind. That’s a savage burn.” This week Ian and the Panel (Megan MacKay, Nile Séguin, and special …
