Mark Carney Archives - The Beaverton

Mark Carney sitting at a desk in front of several Canadian flags

Mark Carney asks climate to stop changing until Alberta quits bugging him

“Just give us a few years and I’m sure Albertans will calm down.” (Clare Blackwood and Ian MacIntyre) talk about Danielle Smith getting not one but two pipelines, Carney saying …

Mark Carney promises to take climate change seriously once every other problem on Earth is solved

OTTAWA – After receiving criticism this week for abandoning the Trudeau-era climate plan, Prime Minister Mark Carney has assured Canadians worried about the already deadly effects of global…

$50 mil for 24 Sussex repairs to be fundraised by Carney starting OnlyFans

“How is this money gonna get raised, they’ll pass the hat? GoFundMe? OnlyFans?” On this special Pride Month episode, Ian MacIntyre (designated ally, he/him) is joined by a speci…

“More, more, keep cutting, cut more!” screams now-bald Carney at terrified barber

OTTAWA, ON ― Suddenly dropping his calm, boring, bankerish public façade, Prime Minister Mark Carney responded to a simple inquiry as to how his haircut was looking so far with a screaming, red-f…

Carney announces competition to win blame for 24 Sussex restoration

OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark Carney has announced a national design-and-build competition for the restoration of 24 Sussex Drive, the winner of which will receive full blame for their effor…

5 reasons why bailing out rich Vancouver condo developers with taxpayer money is what the free market is all about, by Mark Carney

Good afternoon, taxpayers of Canada. It is me, Mark Carney, your Definitely Liberal Prime Minister. I hope that you are all having a wonderful, fiscally profitable day. My secretary told me this …

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