OTTAWA — After multiple labour sources warned that the Federal government would likely be issuing binding mediation legislation as early as next week, Mark Carney personally assured Canadians that even though the legislation was named “Operation Strike Destroyer,” that didn’t mean that it would pose a threat to future strikes.
“My fellow Canadians,” Carney stated at his hastily-assembled press conference, moments after admitting that he’d been shocked that the news had gone over as poorly as it did, “I promise you, just because binding mediation happens before a strike, and essentially denies workers the right to strike, does NOT mean workers won’t get to strike. Trust me on this. I have a PhD.”
The PM continued, “‘Operation Strike Destroyer’ is a natural response to the fact that Section 107 of the Canadian Labour Code takes too long to break up economy-damaging strikes,” he continued. “But it’s not anti-strike. It just aims to force a resolution before workers can even think the word ‘strike.’ But again: we’re totally cool with strikes. As long as they don’t interfere with work. Or happen.”
Employment Minister Patty Hajdu mirrored the Prime Minister’s words, emphasizing that the “Destroyer” part of the title simply referred to destroying anything that could make the Liberals look pro-worker.
“I can stand here and say that we will never interfere with a worker’s right to bargain or to strike,” she stated confidently. “When I’m standing somewhere else, though, like in my office or in a labour mediation session, who knows what I’ll say! But it totally won’t be bad stuff about infringing on Canadians’ constitutional right to stop working if they feel like they deserve better, that’s for sure.”
At press time, the government had just created legislation that would allow any workplace that protested against Operation Strike Destroyer to be labelled an essential business.
