TORONTO – Ontario premier Doug Ford unveiled his plans for a new version of the Ontario Science Centre, which he claims fixes a critical flaw in the attraction; that it requires too much in…
Owners of gold stolen from Pearson expected it to be lost by baggage services anyways
TORONTO – A statement from a representative of the owners of the $20 million dollars worth of valuables stolen from Toronto Pearson claims that the victims were expecting the goods to be mi…
Local man enjoys mental health day by neglecting physical health
PRINCE ALBERT, SK – Area man Cameron Elliot has reportedly taken the day away from work to focus on his mental health by indulging in his favourite restoration activity; slowly deterioratin…
Alberta government passes legislation to protect vulnerable gun population
EDMONTON, AB- The Alberta provincial government has restated its commitment to providing protection and support for the provinces’ most marginalized and under-supported population sectors: firear…
Medical Experts admit there is no cure for hiccups
GENEVA, SWITZERLAND – After years of denial, the global community of medical professionals has finally admitted that they have no scientifically based method to alleviate a case of the hicc…
Canadian Gangsters finding it difficult to suffocate people with reusable bag
OTTAWA – With single-use plastic bags becoming harder to come by in Canada many of the nation’s mafioso, made men, and goons report that reusable bags are not as practical at asphyxia…
Trudeau assures Canadians that Bill C-21 will not impede their rights to die in hunting accidents
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau took the podium last week to reaffirm to Canadians that even with Bill C-21 tightening up gun control laws, they will still be able to perish in preve…
Netflix prepares to release prisoners taken during the streaming wars
LOS GATOS, CA – Last week, Netflix posted on their website the release dates of all the prisoners of war they’ve taken throughout the multi-year conflict known as the streaming wars. “With …
Report: Preparing Christmas turkey closest thing dad has had to sex in years
ST. JOHNS, NF- Local father of 3 Jake O’Leary confirmed speculation that getting the turkey ready for Christmas dinner is by far the most arousing activity he has done in roughly seven years. “It…
Experts warn a US rail strike could’ve lead to shortage of hobo tall tales
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In the wake of a near walkout by the US’s railway workers, experts have advised that an industry-wide strike would’ve led to supply chain disruptions of fun but exaggerat…