WINDSOR — Local cat Furvel Mittenpaws has sent shockwaves through the Watson household after deliberately knocking over the family’s swear jar in an act of pure malice. “That son of a bitch knew …
Animal
Dogs embracing their bad boy side as sale of treats plummet
CALGARY, AB – As sales of dog treats have plummeted around the country, dogs are embracing their bad boy side. Ralph, the Labrador Retriever, had become accustomed to receiving multiple tre…
Checks out! Weird guy owns lizard
LINDSAY, ON – In an extremely foreseeable but nonetheless upsetting chain of events, 29-year-old Dan Wilson, a man who can only be described as “weird as hell”, has revealed himself to be t…
Housecat painfully aware of how much owner’s mental health is riding on his tummy being so fluffy
WINNIPEG – In a rare display of feline self-awareness, George, an 8-year-old housecat, expressed concern over the fact that his owner Elizabeth’s mental health and happiness seemed to revol…
Dog-Walker Association latest company to eliminate plastic bags
TORONTO – In efforts to model sound environmental stewardship, the Dog-Walker Association of Ontario has become the latest company to eliminate plastic bags, along with every dog walkers’ s…
REPORT: Rescue dog in muzzle still a good boy
TORONTO – After a long deliberation, officials have confirmed that rescue dog Bowser is still, in fact, a certified Good Boy. The ruling comes as a relief to the 90 pound Cane Corso mix, who was …
Report: Killer Whales actively preparing to bring down a plane
VANCOUVER – Cetologists at the Canadian Institute for Marine Biology Defence have observed an unsettling new trend in the behaviour of killer whales; preparing to attack an airplane and fea…
Groundbreaking animal mind-reading study reveals ‘nothing interesting’
VANCOUVER – An international team of scientists has concluded a revolutionary study investigating the inner workings of the animal mind and the results are: nothing interesting. The study i…
Scientist: Otters are actually just wet dogs
Kingston, ON – A senior researcher at Queen’s University claimed this week that otters don’t exist and are actually just wet dogs. “It all came to me at the cottage,” said zoologist D…
New toonie honours Queen Elizabeth II and the polar bear that ate her
OTTAWA – The Royal Canadian Mint has announced a black ringed two-dollar coin featuring the 96-year-old Queen on one side, and the polar bear that killed and devoured her on the other. “As many C…