CALEDON, ON – Public reaction to this week’s provincial election results has been mixed, save for one local man who is thrilled to watch the slow decimation of Ontario’s wetlands. “I couldn…
Ontario
Strung out province comes crawling back to Dealer for another hit
TORONTO – After swearing they were done with him and everything he offers, the province of Ontario has come crawling back to its dealer for another taste. “Hey man! You holding any hi…
Ontario NDP, Liberals celebrate defeating each other
TORONTO – Ontario NDP Leader Andrea Horwath and Liberal Leader Steven Del Duca celebrated the defeat of each others parties in the 2022 Ontario election. As results were reported last night…
“I’m really nervous about the November midterms” says Ontarian unaware of today’s election
BURLINGTON, ON – Local data engineer Chris Chen has spent weeks insisting to friends how worried he is about the upcoming US midterm elections, all without ever acknowledging the Ontario pr…
I can’t fucking believe I’m about to win again either
By: Doug Ford Look, there is no one more surprised than me that Ontario has apparently liked what I’ve done over the last 4 years. I never thought I was going to win in the first place. One…
Andrea Horwath confident she’ll get hang of party leader thing 2-3 elections from now
HAMILTON, ON – With polling projecting the NDP to once again not form a government in the 2022 Ontario Election, 4-time leader Andrea Horwath predicts that she will “definitely work out the…
Witnesses confirm sighting of mythical Steven Del Duca
ALGONQUIN PARK – Two hikers who had become lost while trekking back to their campsite in Algonquin Park this Saturday were astonished to observe what is now the first confirmed sighting of the el…
Ontario PCs relieved they have enough votes to win even without all the old people they let die
TORONTO – In the wake of over 4,500 long term care deaths during Ontario’s COVID-19 crisis the provincial Conservative Government is thankful that, despite losing thousands of older PC-lean…
Diversity is Ontario’s greatest strength say 4 white people running for Premier
TORONTO – In the recent Ontario Leaders Debate there seemed to be little the hopefuls for premier agreed upon, but one thing on which all four caucasian candidates did concur was that Ontar…
Local man totally forgets about Ontario election
TORONTO – Despite election day being only a few days away, local man Steven Del Duca says he hasn’t really given it much thought. “Oh right there’s an election happening s…