TORONTO – Ontario premier Doug Ford unveiled his plans for a new version of the Ontario Science Centre, which he claims fixes a critical flaw in the attraction; that it requires too much in…
Ontario
Doug Ford’s niece announces theme of her Sweet 16 will be Urban Development Opportunities
TORONTO – Marcella Ford, niece of Ontario Premier Doug Ford, has announced that her upcoming Sweet 16 Birthday Party will have the theme of Urban Development Opportunities. “A lot of …
Doug Ford moves to protect 1.8 million acres of urban sprawl from encroachment of Greenbelt
PICKERING, ON – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has passed legislation that will help protect precious low-density housing, winding streets, and majestic parking lots from the encroachment of the…
Ford unsure if he should sell Ontario healthcare system to Loblaws, Tim Hortons, or Nestlé
QUEEN’S PARK – As Premier Doug Ford announces that he will expand surgeries available at for-profit clinics, insiders report he is still deciding which megacorporation to eventually sell On…
Middle Finger named “Official Bird” of Ontario highways
BARRIE – In the wake of a population boom, the Province of Ontario is proud to announce that the middle finger has been tapped as the “Official Bird” of their roadways. “For years, you cou…
Marit Stiles named Ontario NDP Leader after everyone else yells “Not it!”
TORONTO – Davenport MPP Marit Stiles has been named leader of the Ontario NDP after literally every other member of the party jumped backward, touched their noses, and yelled “Not it!” at t…
Ontario’s Minister Of Colluding With Real Estate Developers denies claims that government colluded with real estate developers
TORONTO – The Ontario Minister responsible for providing secret information to Real Estate Developers about the government’s plans to allow development on the Greenbelt denied allegat…
Doug Ford extends Black Friday Sale on greenbelt land
QUEEN’S PARK – Premier Doug Ford announced he is extending his government’s Black Friday Greenbelt Land Sale, allowing real estate moguls and elite donors to purchase only-recently developa…
Which of these boiled hams will the Ontario Liberals choose for their next leader?
TORONTO – After a disastrous showing in the last provincial election, political analysts are eager to see which out of a growing shortlist of boiled hams the Ontario Liberal Party will choo…
Ford: Kids too young to learn their own anatomy are mature enough to be political pawns
TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford clarified today that Ontario’s young students remain too young to learn the proper names for genitalia but are definitely mature enough to be used as polit…