OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau took the podium last week to reaffirm to Canadians that even with Bill C-21 tightening up gun control laws, they will still be able to perish in preve…
Nature
Plants horrified to sit on bookshelf full of their dead processed cousins
SASKATOON — Local plants Natalie and William expressed their horror at having to reside on a structure surrounded by the corpses of their relatives, which have been dried, mulched, flattened, bou…
Study: 97% of temporary insanity cases caused by those goddamned cicadas
EVERYWHERE, ALL AROUND YOU, ALL THE TIME ― A report conducted this summer by the University of Guelph has found that 97% of reported cases of temporary insanity in Canada are triggered exclusivel…
“Yeah, baby, step on me,” moans kinky autumn leaf
PRINCE EDWARD COUNTY, ON – As the leaves change colour and drop from the trees in a gorgeous display of nature at its most spectacular, one particularly horny maple leaf has been spo…
Canada quietly quadruples military spending as it realises it has 20% of the world’s fresh water
OTTAWA – Finance Minister Chrystia Freeland released a statement late last night announcing an increase in funding for the Department of Defense. Further investigation revealed that the inc…
Breaking: Serious action on climate change projected to lose election
CANADA ― As the votes are tabulated in the 2021 election, analysts project that ‘reducing Canadian carbon emissions to a reasonable proportion of recommended global rates’ has lost to Liberal Jus…
Turns out this beautiful butterfly was friends with Jeffrey Epstein
POINT PELEE, ON – From Bill Gates to Prince Andrew to Bill Clinton, the image of many famous and powerful men has been tainted by their association with Jeffrey Epstein. But perhaps the mos…
Canadian geese reaffirm plans to fuck up every walk you take from now until November
LONDON, ON – Meeting in a vast pile of their own chartreuse shit, an assembly of Canadian Geese gathered to mark the annual renewal of their commitment to make every walk you take within th…
Report: Praying Mantises not as good at Kung Fu as legends claim
TORONTO, ON – A new study from the University of Toronto’s Centre for Martial Arts Research is suggesting that the long-held belief that mantis style kung fu was learned from watching actua…
Hundred Acre Wood unrecognizable after years of unregulated resource extraction
HUNDRED ACRE WOOD – The world was stunned today by images that reveal that the imaginary land which Winnie-the-Pooh (and Tigger too) call home has been ravaged by logging and fracking compa…