WASHINGTON D.C. – U.S. lawmakers are demanding several Canada provinces not only stock their spirits again, but also formally acknowledge that the anti-tariff boycott wasn’t working a…
Tag: USA
Graham Platner suspends senate campaign after running out of red flags
SULLIVAN, MAINE – U.S. Senate candidate Graham Platner has announced that he is suspending his campaign after running out of glaring warning signs that he is unfit for public office. “…
“Democratic socialists are taking over!!” declared about US politicians who would at best be Canadian Red Tories
NEW YORK STATE – In the wake of several progressive Democratic primary victories, American pundits have expressed extreme concern over the victors’ “far left politics” des…
Trump, Lutnick, and Hoekstra forget which of them got paid off to halt Gordie Howe Bridge
WINDSOR, ON – Trump administration officials are struggling to remember which of them specifically was bribed by billionaire donors to block the opening of the recently-constructed Gordie H…
RFK Jr: Women who don’t shave their pits cause autism
WASHINGTON D.C. – United States Secretary of Health and Human Services Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has declared that women who don’t shave their armpits cause autism. “Finally, after years of hard work…
American soldiers equipped with silencers to avoid waking sleeping stock market
WASHINGTON, DC – As rising tensions in the Persian Gulf bring renewed fears of rising oil prices, US Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth has reassured the nation that all US soldiers deployed…
Pope Leo says “L + ratio” to Trump on X is what Jesus would have done
Vatican City – During his online arguments with US president Trump, Pope Leo XIV was able to ratio the president on X, getting more likes than the President’s original post and handing Trum…
House Democrats ask if Canada could step in to fight authoritarianism for them
WASHINGTON D.C. – As the Trump administration consolidates its anti-democratic control over America, Congressional and Senate Democrats have united to ask the nation of Canada if they could…
Airport security lineups in US vastly reduced after ICE agents kidnap most travellers
SAN FRANCISCO – In a happy turn of events, airline passengers boarding flights across the United States reported almost no lineups for airport security – especially once ICE agents ha…
