WASHINGTON D.C. – Under the terms of the contract signed ten years ago, President Trump ordered his longtime ally Lindsay Graham to undertake the sacred ritual of transferring his life’s essence to fellow Senator Mitch McConnell.
Sources report this will allow McConnell to extend his own life, via unholy and unnatural means, until his planned retirement at the midterms.
First responders were called to the recently deceased senator’s D.C. home Saturday night, after reports Graham was experiencing severe eldritch chest pains. Prior to the 911 call, a group of women in black robes known as the Unyielding Moon Sisters of the Abyss were seen entering Graham’s home, under the direction of Secretary of State Marco Rubio.
Pamela Mason, a podcaster and writer whose show focuses on the intersection of politics and necromancy, claims this blasphemous day has been coming for a while.
“You’ll recall that Graham once stated if Trump became the Republican nominee for president, ‘the party would be destroyed and they would deserve it’,” Mason said. “But ten years ago, he made a superseding deal to keep his senate seat in a pact signed in blood, which is generally how these things work.”
In 2016, a series of runes in a long-banished language was scrawled in chicken blood on the door to Graham’s Capitol Hill office. Shortly after, he endorsed Trump.
Despite his early warnings about Donald Trump’s candidacy, Lindsay Graham proved himself to be a loyal supporter to the point of frequently debasing himself in public, all to draw attention away from the president.
Mason says in most cases of political ascension through the dark magicks, the final price is paid when the politician is no longer of use to his master.
“The appearance of Unyielding Moon Sisters of the Abyss means they are undergoing the Ceremony of Embers in which the sacrifice’s life force is transferred to another person to extend their life,” she added.
The Sisters were seen exiting Graham’s home shortly after his body was placed into an ambulance. Mother Blood, the group’s leader, was seen carrying a small, intricately-carved box, believed to hold Graham’s life force as well as his forever-screaming soul. It will then be transferred to the Fraternity of The Unrelenting, a K Street dark sorcery/lobbying firm, who will perform the final ritual to transfer the late senator’s life force into the very-nearly late senator Mitch McConnell.
There was some discussion among political observers if the ritual used would be The Wrenching of Pitiful Souls, in which the soul itself is also transferred to a new host. It is understood, however, that both Graham and McConnell sold theirs off for real estate decades ago.
“I know, to an outsider, this may look like a final humiliation for Lindsay Graham, transferring what’s left of his life to this hollow husk of man, whose continued existence is an abomination unto nature, all so the Republicans could hold on to power just a little longer,” Mason notes. “Ten years of going on the Sunday news shows, pretending like he actually believes what he’s told to say, torching his long reputation as a legislator. Just to please a man who will discard you the moment you are no longer of any use.”
“But you have to remember: Lindsay Graham asked for all this.”
