WASHINGTON D.C. – After facing cancellations from numerous d-list musicians, organizers of the Trump-aligned Freedom 250 Celebration have reportedly also seen withdrawals from similarly obs…
Tim Hortons to reduce Temporary Foreign Worker hiring once they figure out how to treat Canadians like serfs
TORONTO – Facing backlash for alleged abuse of the TFW program during record unemployment, coffee chain Tim Hortons has vowed to reduce foreign hiring just as soon as they find a legal mean…
President misses own son’s wedding due to high-level not wanting to go
WASHINGTON D.C. – The President of the United States will be forced to miss the second wedding of his eldest son this weekend, due to a top secret executive branch-level not giving a shit. …
AI tech mogul confused why expendable human capital booing him during commencement address
COLUMBUS, OH – Jack Smarnoff, CEO of tech firm Confinity AI, is reportedly confused as to why the graduating class of Ohio State University are loudly booing his commencement speech, specif…
Alberta separatists vow to appeal petition denial as soon as US State Department tells them how
EDMONTON – Stay Free Alberta, the group behind the 300,000 person effort for Alberta Independence, have vowed to legally appeal a judge’s ruling striking down the validity of their pe…
Carney announces environment to be eliminated as cost-cutting measure
EDMONTON – In addition to his announcement lowering industrial carbon pricing specifically just for Alberta, Prime Minister Mark Carney has unveiled a plan to eliminate all of Canada’…
Privatized airports means Canadians will pay less flying Air Canada out of Rogers Airport sponsored by Draft Kings
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Carney has announced a plan to sell off Canadian airports, thus generating revenue for his new sovereign wealth fund, and assures Canadians they will surely pay less…
Andrew Tate says “chances of him visiting Canada are zero” after learning nation frowns on indicted sex offenders
BUCHAREST, ROMANIA – Notorious manosphere influencer and indicted sex trafficker Andrew Tate announced on his podcast that he will never set foot in Canada, specifically after learning the …
Liberal bouncers tell MPs to wait in line to join party
OTTAWA – With Mark Carney’s Liberals finally achieving a majority, bouncers outside the Liberal party have instructed numerous MPs who are now rushing to cross the floor to “wai…
Floor-crosser Marilyn Gladu “accidentally” leaves conversion therapy pamphlets around Liberal Convention
MONTREAL – Attendees at the 2026 Liberal Party Convention have reported finding conspicuously-left pamphlets for a “Shock Away The Gay” conversion therapy camp, apparently distr…
