BRANDON, MB – 4-year-old Mikaela Hermer’s imaginary restaurant, in which she served invisible hot dogs and ice cream to her parents and friends, has filed for bankruptcy after being a…
Alberta Separatists unveil development slogan: “Come invest in our unstable breakaway republic!”
CALGARY – With the Alberta Separatism referendum fast approaching, pro-separatist groups have launched a new campaign to entice investment dollars to their chaotic barely-planned idea for a…
Trump vows to punish Canada for EU alliance as soon as he finishes losing Iran war
WASHINGTON D.C. – President Donald J. Trump has pledged to extract terrible, systematic revenge on all of Canada for daring to enter talks with the European Union, just as soon as he finish…
Trump reduces White House Press Corps to Stephen Miller in a moustache, various podcasters
WASHINGTON D.C. – After banning press outlets including CNN, MS Now, and Politico, President Donald Trump has removed numerous other journalists, leaving only those he trusts to portray him…
Canada Investment Summit attendees enter raffle to win PEI
TORONTO – Prime Minister Mark Carney’s Canada Investment Summit, in which executives and global asset managers have gathered to discuss investing hundreds of trillions into CanadaR…
Trump notes that falling asleep onstage at 9/11 ceremony technically counts as moment of silence
ARLINGTON COUNTY, VA – Awakening briefly, President Trump addressed Americans assembled to pay their respects to the victims of the September 11th attacks, insisting that his mid-morning na…
Counter-Tariffs take effect as Canadians brace for life without American truck nutz
OTTAWA – With anti-American counter-tariffs taking effect as of September 8th, Canadians will be forced to make due without easy market access to their most-purchased American products, nam…
Hegseth pauses busy schedule of inspecting soldiers’ scrotums to make weird comments about Canadian teens’ bodies
WASHINGTON D.C. – Secretary of War Pete Hegseth has posted disparaging comments about female Canadian Air Force cadets, all while maintaining his busy schedule of personally inspecting the …
Overconfident Carney vows to win 3 more U.S. midterm races after Liberal by-election sweep
OTTAWA – Following a clean sweep of last night’s 3 by-elections, Prime Minister Mark Carney immediately declared that his Liberal party would also pick up 3 additional seats in this N…
Mitch McConnell speaks out about Canada bourbon ban with help of ventriloquist aide
WASHINGTON D.C. – Nearly 3 months after being hospitalized and retreating from public, Senator Mitch McConnell (R-KY) has broken his silence regarding Canadian bans on Kentucky bourbon with…
