WASHINGTON D.C. – U.S. lawmakers are demanding several Canada provinces not only stock their spirits again, but also formally acknowledge that the anti-tariff boycott wasn’t working a…
Graham Platner suspends senate campaign after running out of red flags
SULLIVAN, MAINE – U.S. Senate candidate Graham Platner has announced that he is suspending his campaign after running out of glaring warning signs that he is unfit for public office. “…
Poilievre vows to “fight woke culture” following new galactic disco cowboy makeover
CALGARY – Addressing a rally of Conservative voters at the Calgary Stampede, Opposition Leader Pierre Poilievre has vowed to “reinstill a warrior culture, not a woke culture”, t…
Male Loneliness Crisis temporarily solved by World Cup
NORTH AMERICA – The much-discussed epidemic of male loneliness has reportedly been resolved, for just the duration of the 2026 FIFA World Cup. Across North America, the feelings of widespre…
Officials announce new AI Data Centres to calculate why heat dome happening
OTTAWA – With much of Canada and the United States gripped by an unseasonal heat wave, federal officials have announced construction of new natural-gas-intensive data centres, aimed at usin…
Premier Eby shifts B.C. stance from ‘pipeline bad’ to ‘pipeline bad but money’
VANCOUVER – During an announcement with Prime Minister Carney, British Columbia Premier David Eby clarified that his province’s previous anti-pipeline stance has been amended to still…
$50 mil for 24 Sussex repairs to be fundraised by Carney starting OnlyFans
“How is this money gonna get raised, they’ll pass the hat? GoFundMe? OnlyFans?” On this special Pride Month episode, Ian MacIntyre (designated ally, he/him) is joined by a speci…
“Democratic socialists are taking over!!” declared about US politicians who would at best be Canadian Red Tories
NEW YORK STATE – In the wake of several progressive Democratic primary victories, American pundits have expressed extreme concern over the victors’ “far left politics” des…
Trump, Lutnick, and Hoekstra forget which of them got paid off to halt Gordie Howe Bridge
WINDSOR, ON – Trump administration officials are struggling to remember which of them specifically was bribed by billionaire donors to block the opening of the recently-constructed Gordie H…
Premier insists Ford Fest photo of protestors, numerous WWF stars, not photoshopped
QUEEN’S PARK – Premier Doug Ford is insisting that a photo of his annual Ford Fest celebration which depicted protestors as blue-clad supporters, as well as numerous 1980s-era profess…
