OTTAWA – With anti-American counter-tariffs taking effect as of September 8th, Canadians will be forced to make due without easy market access to their most-purchased American products, nam…
Hegseth pauses busy schedule of inspecting soldiers’ scrotums to make weird comments about Canadian teens’ bodies
WASHINGTON D.C. – Secretary of War Pete Hegseth has posted disparaging comments about female Canadian Air Force cadets, all while maintaining his busy schedule of personally inspecting the …
Overconfident Carney vows to win 3 more U.S. midterm races after Liberal by-election sweep
OTTAWA – Following a clean sweep of last night’s 3 by-elections, Prime Minister Mark Carney immediately declared that his Liberal party would also pick up 3 additional seats in this N…
Mitch McConnell speaks out about Canada bourbon ban with help of ventriloquist aide
WASHINGTON D.C. – Nearly 3 months after being hospitalized and retreating from public, Senator Mitch McConnell (R-KY) has broken his silence regarding Canadian bans on Kentucky bourbon with…
Report: Tim Curry’s death to be investigated by suspicious group of eccentrics gathering at his house
LOS ANGELES – Following the death of beloved 80-year-old British actor Tim Curry, observers have noted a coterie of anonymous upper crust suspects arriving at his mansion in order to invest…
Polyamorous vegan baristas and conservative uncles unite in memory of Dolly Parton
DOLLYWOOD – Following the passing of beloved country music icon and humanitarian Dolly Parton, millions of tattooed urban progressive cyclists have joined in profound mourning alongside ope…
Canadians chip in to buy Jamil Jivani a one-way ticket to United States
OTTAWA – Following public comments in which Conservative MP Jamil Jivani blamed Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney for failed trade talks with U.S. President Donald Trump, Canadians across…
Art Of The Deal author fails to secure deal with friendliest nation on planet
WASHINGTON D.C. – President Trump, a man who was elected based on his self-proclaimed “deal-making genius”, has failed to secure a trade deal with Canada, a nation most known fo…
Trump throws himself military parade after bravely chickening out on Canadian tariffs
WASHINGTON D.C. – Hours after heroically declaring a pause on tariffs aimed at destroying the Canadian economy, President Trump has organized yet another military parade for himself to comm…
Ghislaine Maxwell suicide scheduled for next Thursday
WASHINGTON D.C. – The United States Department of Justice has released a joint statement with the Federal Bureau of Prisons, announcing the tragic suicide of notorious sex trafficker and Je…
