TORONTO – HubRate Insurance confirmed that Agentic Representative Chad, its first AI agent, who was hired to revolutionize throughput and eliminate bottlenecks, has been formally placed on …
Tech
Elon Musk, two racist uncles, left to do all Alberta Separatist posting after Russian bot farm goes offline
CALGARY – In the wake of Ukraine’s successful drone strikes on Russia’s Yandex data centres, which have allegedly caused bot activity to plummet across the web, the entirety of …
University assigns Cornell 7 to get ChatGPT to write their essays
ITHICA, NY – As punishment for drugging and gang-raping a young woman for over seven hours in 2024, Cornell University has assigned the seven known perpetrators to make ChatGPT generate their ess…
Meta unsure why women not buying pervert glasses
MENLO PARK, CA — As Meta’s totally cool, definitely-not-creepy smart glasses become more popular with tech bros and straight-up pervs, the tech company is reportedly baffled as to why their glass…
Tech oligarchs agree calling AI “too dangerous” way cooler than just admitting it doesn’t work
SILICON VALLEY – The CEOs of OpenAI, Anthropic, and GrokAI have released a statement agreeing that claiming artificial intelligence “could potentially kill all humans” sounds mu…
Zuckerberg did not hear boat’s distress call because he had conversation muted
ALASKA – Despite his super yacht being the nearest vessel to a small boat in trouble, Mark Zuckerberg revealed the simple reason he did not respond to the distress call was that he had mute…
Tech CEOs warn Chinese AI could destroy the world faster than American AI can
SILICON VALLEY – American Tech CEOs issued a chilling warning that Chinese AI models have the potential to destroy the world more quickly and more cheaply than their American counterparts. …
Data centre proponents say facility will run on solar power and all of Lake Superior
THUNDER BAY, ON – A proposed hyperscale data centre just outside Thunder Bay is promising the construction will be 100% sustainable elements like rooftop solar panels to power the centre. T…
Carney assures Canadians that AI the fastest way to give all our money to US billionaires
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark has unveiled his new federal AI strategy, promising Canadians that artificial intelligence technology is the most advanced, efficient way to surrender all of ou…
“We see a future where intelligence is a utility, and people buy it from us” says Sam Altman from skull-shaped volcano lair
EVIL LAIR, SOUTH PACIFIC – OpenAI CEO Sam Altman has suggested that intelligence could someday be treated as a utility, with people paying him directly to access materials stolen from them …
