Brandon, Manitoba – Robert Jones is praying for a miracle as the Canada Post strike enters its second week – the miracle of postal workers putting down their picket signs, shutting the fuck up, a…
Work
“I didn’t get that job because I have a dick!” says man who just is a dick
CALGARY – Local man Peter Johnson claims he was rejected from a job he applied for because he has a dick, when sources confirm that he is, in fact, simply a dick. “They’re discriminating against …
Office funny guy lives in fear another coworker will discover Comedy Bang Bang
New Westminster, BC – Local data analyst Mack Watson, known around work as the office funny guy, is hiding a secret behind his water cooler witticisms – his entire sense of humour comes fr…
“We’ll be so easy!” promises table about to ruin server’s entire life
TORONTO – In a stunning display of complete lack of self awareness, a group of friends sitting down to eat at Earls assured their server that they would be “Such an easy table!” despite the…
Fired employee indicted for stealing from workplace
MIAMI – A former employee of the United States federal government who was let go due to extreme incompetence has just been indicted on charges of stealing from his erstwhile employer. Donal…
Diversity hire? Golf Town recruits white guy with ADHD
Barrie, ON – In a stunning move toward equity, diversity and inclusion, Golf Town hired Adam Grunt, a straight, white man with ADHD, to manage its Barrie location. “As a marginalized person, this…
“Can’t complain,” says cashier who’ll get fired if she complains
TORONTO — Sam Baquiran, cashier at a Shoppers Drug Mart on Pape and Danforth, recently had a customer ask how she was doing. “Can’t complain,” she responded, given that she’ll lose her job if she…
Standing desk a great reminder of how nice it is to sit down
CALGARY – Local accounts manager Regina Lackie has discovered her new standing desk has an exciting unexpected benefit – it reminds her of how nice it is to sit down. Lackie purchased…
“I’ve got a great new side hustle”, says woman about second full-time job
VICTORIA, BC – Local resin artist Rivka Fiore is singing the praises of side-hustle culture as she celebrates her 500th order on her online site. “It’s been so liberating compared to my off…
Zuckerberg banishes 11,000 workers to the Metaverse
MENLO PARK, CA – After disappointing results in the latest quarter, Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg sent out a notice to his workforce that the company is expelling 11,000 employees from corporeal…
