Treat yourself to a walk outside Spring has sprung, and getting outside is great for your mental health, and in most places you can still do it without someone stopping you to demand your last me…
Holidays
Nation’s dads announce plan to see you next year
OTTAWA — Pausing briefly during the lyrics to Auld Lang Syne, Canada’s dads reaffirmed their commitment to see the various people in their lives next year while loudly snickering to themselves. D…
Report: Preparing Christmas turkey closest thing dad has had to sex in years
ST. JOHNS, NF- Local father of 3 Jake O’Leary confirmed speculation that getting the turkey ready for Christmas dinner is by far the most arousing activity he has done in roughly seven years. “It…
Report: grandchildren can’t wait to greet grandma by accidentally kissing her on the lips
OTTAWA – A national report was released stating that Canadian grandchildren are ecstatic at the possibility of greeting grandma this holiday season, by accidentally kissing her on the lips.…
Society recognizes Jewish holiday which is close to Christmas
OTTAWA – Keeping an impressive streak of consecutive years alive, society has once again noticed the existence of Hannukah solely due to its proximity to Christmas. “It’s so nice to see that they…
Uh oh: Friend’s Christmas sweater was not intentionally ugly
FREDERICTON, NB – Local barista Maya Reilly snuffed out the Christmas spirit last Saturday when she mistook her friend’s sweater as being part of the annual Ugly Sweater competition at thei…
Donder and Blitzen to put career on hold for mandatory military service
NORTH POLE – Following weeks of speculation, two members of Santa’s prestigious team of reindeer have announced they are planning temporary resignation in order to undertake military …
Woman banishes malfunctioning vibrator to Island of Misfit Sex Toys
EDMONTON — Melissa Soares, frustrated with the sub-optimal aspects of her rabbit vibrator, has evicted it from her night-stand, exiling it to the Island of Misfit Sex Toys. “The gals on Sex and …
Study: Seasonal depression cured by wrapping paper scissor glides
St. Catharines, ON – In a groundbreaking study by Brock University, researchers have identified the long-awaited cure for seasonal depression: the sweet, sweet satisfaction of gliding a sha…
Spence Diamonds guarantees all holiday purchases: “If your wife doesn’t give you a blow job, Spence will!”
VANCOUVER, BC – Spence Diamonds now offers an added incentive to holiday shoppers – a customer satisfaction guarantee that if the giftee does not give head, Spence will be there to offer his. As …