OTTAWA – A new survey by BMO financial group has concluded that Canadians will need approximately $1.7M saved in order to retire, a figure to achieve which a Canadian earning an average inc…
Money
Financial advisors recommend buying grocery stock instead of groceries
OTTAWA – Recent consumer data was shows an alarming majority of Canadians continue to spend their grocery budget on groceries, despite the advice of financial experts to buy grocery stocks …
Galen Weston says to Canadians who can’t afford bread, “Let them eat McCain’s Deep N Delicious Frozen Cake”
Caledon, Ontario – With a growing number of Canadians facing food insecurity in the face of rising prices, Loblaws CEO Galen Weston Jr. recently informed the nation that if Canadians can no…
Gift certificate squandered
CALGARY – Frank Benton has wasted the $150 Best Buy gift card his parents gave him for Christmas, despite spending weeks carefully thinking about how to use it. Local sources report that Benton h…
Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future quit rather than take assignment to visit Elon Musk
THE ETHEREAL PLANE – The magical spirits who normally visit rich monsters on Christmas Eve in order to get them to become caring human beings have all resigned from their positions after th…
Black Friday deal just last year’s price
MISSISSAUGA – Retailers are embracing this year’s Black Friday by offering consumers the deal of a lifetime, the chance to buy products at last year’s regular prices. Naomi Hoffman eagerly …
Inflation’s Silver Lining? Canada’s big five banks offer whopping 0.8% savings account
TORONTO — While Canadians across the country continue to suffer the crushing effects of inflation and a drastic increase in borrowing costs, a silver lining to rising interest rates has emerged a…
Millennial in six-figure debt for education dreams of someday being in six-figure debt for house
HAMILTON – Local 31-year-old Madison Clair, a newly licensed veterinarian who currently owes a combined total of $118,846 in federal and provincial student loans, reports that her greatest …
Home prices still at levels experts call “Oh Fuck Me”
VANCOUVER – Despite early indications some Canadian housing markets may be cooling, benchmark home prices remain well within the threshold experts call “oh fuck me”. Whether prices will de…
To stop inflation making things more expensive, Bank of Canada going to make different things more expensive
OTTAWA – To help combat record-high inflation and bring some relief to financially squeezed Canadians, The Bank of Canada announced Wednesday that they would hike the key interest rate for …