TORONTO – A last minute rule change by FIFA means World Cup fans will no longer be able to bring the moisture inside their own bodies into host stadiums for the tournament.
The latest FIFA rules document now states “for the avoidance of doubt, the 60% of human bodies that are made up of water may not be brought into the stadium.
FIFA has announced that spectators will be able to replenish their bodily fluids by purchasing bottled water inside the stadium, at a cost of roughly 189.7 individual 8 oz bottles, priced at $9 each.
Reached for comment on the ethics of forcing World Cup fans to have their bodily fluids removed via a painful needle and vacuum, FIFA president Giovanni Infantino replied, “Considering the slave labour we used to build the Saudi Arabian World Cup stadiums, this barely ranks as the most evil thing FIFA has done.”
In a related story, individual FIFA World Cup tickets are still available for the low price of your left kidney.
