WASHINGTON D.C. – With Belgium defeating the United States team 4-1 to knock them out of the World Cup, U.S. President Trump has declared a 100% tariff on all waffle imports. “This de…
Tag: World Cup
Male Loneliness Crisis temporarily solved by World Cup
NORTH AMERICA – The much-discussed epidemic of male loneliness has reportedly been resolved, for just the duration of the 2026 FIFA World Cup. Across North America, the feelings of widespre…
WORLD CUP: Canada ties with Bosnia-Herzegovina, reignites WWI
TORONTO – Canada’s 1-1 World Cup tie with Bosnia-Herzegovina has officially reignited World War One, forcing Canadians to rejoin the Allied forces. Canada’s inability to defeat …
Carney bans social media for kids too dumb to figure out VPNs
“There’s no way a 15 year old who has been online for his entire life knows about those is there?” Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre and special guest John Batt of @canada.gov.c…
FIFA forbids Canadian fans from bringing water inside own bodies into World Cup matches
TORONTO – A last minute rule change by FIFA means World Cup fans will no longer be able to bring the moisture inside their own bodies into host stadiums for the tournament. The latest FIFA …
FIFA announces losing World Cup teams have to take a stadium home with them
QATAR – As the World Cup enters its final phase, FIFA and Qatar have issued a joint statement that the last 7 teams knocked out of the tournament will be required to take the stadium in whi…
Ethical soccer fan vows to watch entire World Cup while tsk-ing
TORONTO – Hardcore soccer fan Ethan Weir will be protesting the 2022 World Cup by shaking his head and tsk-ing while he watches every minute of the tournament. “Between the horrific abuse that m…
Canada eager to find out what this “World Cup” is they’ve heard so much about
TORONTO – With Canada’s Men’s Soccer Team beating Jamaica 4-0 in a qualifying match, the entire nation is reportedly curious to discover what this so-called “World Cup” is that they’ve hear…
Third man on bobsleigh team admits he sometimes tilts head the wrong way just to feel something
CALGARY – In a stunning revelation, world class bobsledder Bernhard Steuzel admitted in a recent interview that he sometimes tilts his head the opposite direction of the rest of his team in…
BREAKING: France okay with certain immigrants
MOSCOW, RUSSIA – After a high scoring 4 – 2 victory over Croatia in the 2018 World Cup finals, the entire nation of France announced Sunday that it finally embrace certain immigrants,…
