BARRIE, ON – After decades of refusal to comply with his family’s requests, local dad, Chris White, 77, has finally lost his Asian restaurant privileges.
The decision was finalized after an argument between White and his grandson, Thomas, 14, at the Mandarin last Saturday evening. The boy begged his grandfather not to bow at his birthday dinner, but the boomer persisted, stating, “It’s the culture!”
“It was the only thing I wanted for my birthday, and he just couldn’t do it,” said Thomas. He paused. “He also said ‘arigato’ to the host on the way in. It’s a Chinese restaurant.”
White, for his part, had barely settled into his seat before flagging down their server to ask where she was from. “Vancouver,” she said. White nodded. “Originally, though?” She was not originally from anywhere else. White ordered a fork.
“There’s a lot of Asian people here,” White announced to his family, scanning the room with visible satisfaction. “That’s how you know it’s authentic.” He then requested the General Tao’s and, upon receiving it, informed the table that it was actually an American invention. “People don’t know that,” he said. No one had asked.
Fellow diners were horrified. “I saw the whole thing,” said Jenny Wong, who sat one table over. “He kept gesturing around the room and counting under his breath. And the proverb — I’m not really comfortable repeating it, but I can say the accent he used was in very poor taste. I can see why his wife started swatting him.”
“I don’t know what everyone’s so upset about,” said White, from his La-Z-Boy recliner that no one else is allowed to sit in. “I’m celebrating the culture. I even said it’s really well kept and clean in there. That’s a compliment.”
White’s wife, Sharon, confirms he did say this, loudly, and that it was not received as a compliment. “He’s going deaf, so everything comes out at full volume. It’s embarrassing. He thinks he’s being open-minded.”
Sharon added that this isn’t the first privilege White has lost. He is also no longer allowed to discuss women’s sports, attend Caribana, or cross the street at the rainbow crosswalk.
The family has asked for privacy during this difficult transition.
At press time, White was spotted pausing at a koi pond in a local greenhouse, nodding respectfully at the fish. “Beautiful culture,” he said, to no one.
