CALGARY – In the wake of Ukraine’s successful drone strikes on Russia’s Yandex data centres, which have allegedly caused bot activity to plummet across the web, the entirety of pro-Alberta Separation posting is now being handled by Elon Musk and a pair of unemployed uncles in Red Deer.
“Alberta shold SEPARATE, and Mark Carny SMELLS!” posted Musk frantically to his X platform, as he struggled to maintain the previous volume of anti-Canadian rhetoric that was apparently handled by Russian bot traffic.
Musk, whose interest in Alberta’s Separatist movement began last week when he learned it existed and generally benefits the goals of worldwide autocracy, is reportedly posting non-stop Separatist content from an array of phones, Starlink satellites, and dashboards of Cybertrucks that have not yet caught fire.
Back in Alberta, the two thoroughly unpleasant uncles, Mitch Jackson and Jack Mitchell, continued their regular schedule of using every waking hour to post pro-separation content, though noted how much quieter their recently-thriving online community seemed.
“I feel like when I was posting memes last week about Justin Trudeau secretly destroying Alberta with immigrants, I had a lot more accounts agreeing with me,” noted Jackson, 53, as he moderated his ‘Alberta Strong and Free and Proud and Fuck Trudeau’ Facebook page.
“We used to get thousands of comments and likes,” adds Mitchell, 62, fresh off being uninvited from his family’s Thanksgiving. “And sure, a lot of those comments mentioned borscht an awful lot, but you could tell they were good old Alberta boys.”
SpaceX insiders report that Musk, faced with the loss of his entire fawning bot army, is planning to have more children in the hopes of creating one person who actually wants to talk to him.
