LOS ANGELES – Following the death of beloved 80-year-old British actor Tim Curry, observers have noted a coterie of anonymous upper crust suspects arriving at his mansion in order to invest…
Polyamorous vegan baristas and conservative uncles unite in memory of Dolly Parton
DOLLYWOOD – Following the passing of beloved country music icon and humanitarian Dolly Parton, millions of tattooed urban progressive cyclists have joined in profound mourning alongside ope…
Canadians chip in to buy Jamil Jivani a one-way ticket to United States
OTTAWA – Following public comments in which Conservative MP Jamil Jivani blamed Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney for failed trade talks with U.S. President Donald Trump, Canadians across…
Art Of The Deal author fails to secure deal with friendliest nation on planet
WASHINGTON D.C. – President Trump, a man who was elected based on his self-proclaimed “deal-making genius”, has failed to secure a trade deal with Canada, a nation most known fo…
Trump throws himself military parade after bravely chickening out on Canadian tariffs
WASHINGTON D.C. – Hours after heroically declaring a pause on tariffs aimed at destroying the Canadian economy, President Trump has organized yet another military parade for himself to comm…
Ghislaine Maxwell suicide scheduled for next Thursday
WASHINGTON D.C. – The United States Department of Justice has released a joint statement with the Federal Bureau of Prisons, announcing the tragic suicide of notorious sex trafficker and Je…
Trump unable to take on BBC
LONDON – U.S. President Donald Trump is reportedly ending a high profile court case, after realizing that he was no match for the overwhelming power of his opponent: The world-renowned BBC.…
Canadians overwhelmingly demand wealth tax after Kevin O’Leary says it will make him move away
OTTAWA – Pollsters report a split among Canadians over the idea of higher tax on the assets of wealthy individuals, though support skyrockets after noting that Kevin O’Leary has vowed…
Jared Leto struggling to think of ways he could have made creepiness more evident
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Following a new BBC report accusing actor Jared Leto of sexually assaulting four women when they were underage, the film star has responded by questioning what further actio…
Republicans insist Mitch McConnell resting comfortably following routine taxidermy procedure
WASHINGTON D.C. – GOP lawmakers are chastizing their Democratic colleagues, as well as members of the media, for inquiring about the 6 week disappearance of Sen. Mitch McConnell, insisting …
