OTTAWA – With CBC losing the rights to air Hockey Night In Canada, meaning fans must now pay to watch it on Rogers Sportsnet, the entirety of Canadian culture now consists solely of butter …
Trump successfully diverted to inflatable decoy G7
ÉVIAN, FRANCE – The 2026 G7 summit has thus far yielded successful talks between the world’s top leaders, largely due to US President Donald Trump being tricked early on into joining …
Vance, Rubio compete in White House UFC undercard
WASHINGTON D.C. – As part of the UFC Freedom 250 match, President Donald J. Trump’s demanded an 80th birthday present to himself which saw Vice President JD Vance and Secretary of Sta…
WORLD CUP: Canada ties with Bosnia-Herzegovina, reignites WWI
TORONTO – Canada’s 1-1 World Cup tie with Bosnia-Herzegovina has officially reignited World War One, forcing Canadians to rejoin the Allied forces. Canada’s inability to defeat …
Poilievre campaigns on a united Canada: “Please don’t make me find yet another riding”
CALGARY – Speaking to a crowd of supporters, Pierre Poilievre urged Albertans to vote to stay part of Canada, partly for national unity, and mostly because he doesn’t want to have to …
Carney assures Canadians that AI the fastest way to give all our money to US billionaires
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark has unveiled his new federal AI strategy, promising Canadians that artificial intelligence technology is the most advanced, efficient way to surrender all of ou…
FIFA forbids Canadian fans from bringing water inside own bodies into World Cup matches
TORONTO – A last minute rule change by FIFA means World Cup fans will no longer be able to bring the moisture inside their own bodies into host stadiums for the tournament. The latest FIFA …
Netflix says CanCon rules will force them to raise prices that they already raised and plan to raise more
SILICON VALLEY, CA – Streaming giant Netflix has fired back at a CRTC report recommending they increase their contributions to Canadian media, insisting this would force them to raise price…
“We see a future where intelligence is a utility, and people buy it from us” says Sam Altman from skull-shaped volcano lair
EVIL LAIR, SOUTH PACIFIC – OpenAI CEO Sam Altman has suggested that intelligence could someday be treated as a utility, with people paying him directly to access materials stolen from them …
B4-4, Sugar Jones, Serial Joe announce withdrawal from Trump’s Freedom 250 Celebration
WASHINGTON D.C. – After facing cancellations from numerous d-list musicians, organizers of the Trump-aligned Freedom 250 Celebration have reportedly also seen withdrawals from similarly obs…
