“If you ask nicely, maybe he’ll let you use the credit card this weekend too!” The Beaverton Weekly Report is making fun of the news once again. Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyr…
Tag: politics
Conservative man discovers secret trick to getting elected PM: running as Liberal
(Political) Scientists hate him for discovering a new way to be a Conservative PM in Canada! And he can show you how to do it too! It’s the second episode of the relaunched Beaverton Weekly…
Uninformed American excited for Canada to become “49th state”
Boise, ‘Merica – Local skimmer of news articles John Lougthrow recently exclaimed he was ‘amped’ for Canada to become the 49th state of the currently 50 United States of America. “Hard to b…
Poilievre’s broken slogan generator to blame as he vows to “Dink the Rink” and “Slime the Grime”
Lethbridge, AB – Conservative party leader, Pierre Poilievre, spoke to a mystified crowd of supporters as he promised to go to Ottawa and “Dink the Rink” while standing in front of a banner…
Mark Carney promises to grow every Canadians’ Optimum points
OTTAWA – Liberal Leader candidate Mark Carney vows to improve the PC Optimum points situation for every Canadian. Speaking to a group of financial experts at the International Banking Feder…
The Devil went down to Georgia, was deported by ICE
Atlanta, GA – Reports first made on social media have corroborated that the devil went down to Georgia looking for some souls to steal late Friday night where he was quickly taken into cust…
Homeowner hopes $5K window can double as wifi booster, life coach, or leader of the Liberal Party
CALGARY AB – Homeowners Wendy and Amir Fam were left wondering what else the $5,000 window could do as they gazed out their new state-of-the-art triple pane glass. Initially, they took turn…
Report: Just one or two million mistakes can bring down a Prime Minister
OTTAWA – According to experts Justin Trudeau resigning is proof that just making political error after political error over the course of 9 years can topple even the most powerful politicia…
Canadians who support the U.S. annexing us explain why
According to a recent poll, about 13% of Canadians support Donald Trump’s recent suggestion that Canada become the 51st state. Naturally we wanted to ask them “what the fuck is wrong …
Transparent plots to buy votes are cynical, effective, political scientists find
OTTAWA, ON ― A new survey of political scientists found broad consensus that financial giveaways are a both arrogant and very successful strategy to curry the favour of voters too shortsighted to…
