5 tips for acting like you know what you’re talking about while watching Canada-Argentina
It’s the biggest men’s soccer match in Canadian history tonight, as Canada takes on World Champions Argentina in the semi-finals of the Copa America. And that means thousands, possibl…
Liberal Party watches in horror as French centrists fail to turn fear of right-wing maniacs into unending political power for themselves
OTTAWA – High ranking members of Canada’s Liberal Party were shocked and dismayed by the results of the French election, with Trudeau in particular unable to fathom that Macron’s centrist c…
Brits replace their right wing party with centrist party for same reasons Canadians will soon replace our centrist party with right wing party
LONDON – In a clear message that voters want to see a progressive, compassionate centrist government, the UK has replaced the Tories with Labour. Just as soon, Canadians will replace the Li…
Americans make odd choice to celebrate decision that led them to this point
“UNITED” STATES OF AMERICA – To the surprise of international observers, millions of Americans chose to celebrate the anniversary of their declaration of independence today, des…
Video game exec just 10 layoffs away from unlocking “Decimated Industry” achievement
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Prominent video game CEO Matt Richter has just announced he’s only 10 layoffs away from earning the coveted ‘Decimated Industry” game industry achievement. “To think I’m…
Man angry about 15-minute cities wouldn’t last a day in Europe’s 15-minute countries
MARTENSVILLE, SK ― Sources close to Terrence Graves, a local mechanic, report that the 54-year-old who has been grousing for months about the entirely unrealistic dream of making North America th…
Supreme Court rules Trump can and probably should shoot someone on 5th Avenue
WASHINGTON D.C. – In a 6-3 ruling, the United States Supreme Court ruled that former President Donald Trump not only has full immunity from prosecution for any gun murders he might commit, …
Report: going 2 years without getting paid millions to manage a hockey team sufficient punishment for abetting sexual abuse
NEW YORK CITY – Yesterday the NHL reinstated former Blackhawks staff Joel Quenneville, Stan Bowman and Al MacIsaac, confirming that 2 years is the maximum someone who covered up one sexual …
Piece of shit cat knocks over fucking swear jar
WINDSOR — Local cat Furvel Mittenpaws has sent shockwaves through the Watson household after deliberately knocking over the family’s swear jar in an act of pure malice. “That son of a bitch knew …
Security experts agree new password will never love you like the old one did
TORONTO – According to a study conducted by a panel of cybersecurity experts, your new password lacks the special spark of your old one and will never bring you the same joy. “Few people get thro…
