Loblaws launches for profit food bank
BRAMPTON – In response to continuing accusations of greed-flation and price gouging, Loblaws has announced the launch of a nationwide chain of for-profit food banks. “We’re sensitive to the…
Rogers promises Leafs, Raptors fans that their teams will be just as successful as current Blue Jays
TORONTO – After announcing they had acquired majority control of Maple Leaf Sports & Entertainment, the board of Rogers Communications reassured Leafs, Raptors, TFC and Argos fans that …
WestJet debuts new slogan: “Air Canada, but somehow worse.”
CALGARY – WestJet has finally embraced its reputation as one of Canada’s most reviled airlines with the debut of its new company slogan: “Air Canada, but somehow worse.” The slogan was initially …
Air Canada pilots threaten to continue operating Air Canada flights until their demands are met
MONTREAL – In an effort to secure stronger wages, Air Canada pilots are vowing to make Canadians continue to fly Air Canada unless they are granted significant raises. “With no breakthroughs emer…
10 ways the Liberals can still win the next election
The Liberal Party has fallen a teeny tiny little bit behind the Conservatives in the polls. And with an election possibly imminent Liberals insiders are reportedly telling PM Trudeau that he can&…
Physicists launch study of temporal paradox allowing people younger than you to have kids already
COPENHAGEN – An international coalition of scientists with expertise in quantum mechanics, wave theory and atomic structure have assembled at the Nils Bohr Institute to tackle the newly-discovere…
University class discussion forum used exclusively to ask questions already answered in class
OTTAWA, ON ― The latest analysis of a local first-year North American History course discussion forum has revealed that every one of the 173 questions posted there was already answered in class. …
Airport security introduces option to sketch travellers like one of their French girls
OTTAWA — Canada’s Air Transport Security Authority has announced that travellers averse to being scanned by invasive technology will now have the option to be gracefully sketched like one o…
Top 5 courses at Jordan Peterson’s new University
Jordan Peterson has unveiled his “anti-woke” University: Peterson Academy. Which is definitely a real university and not just Conservative MasterClass. Being the curious intellectuals…
September 2024 water crisis reminds elderly Calgarians of the ol’ water crisis of June ‘24
CALGARY – Calgarians are being asked to ration water while crucial pipeline repairs are conducted, reminding the city’s older residents of the great water rationing effort of three months ago. …
