White House scrambles to remember which foreign oligarch Trump sold U.S. Air Traffic control system to
WASHINGTON D.C. – With the entire U.S. air travel network still in chaos following a shut down of the country’s airspace for several hours, White House staff are frantically trying to…
Experts warn Microsoft outage might not be long enough
SAN FRANCISCO – With a global Microsoft outage stretching into its second day, researchers at the Digital Work Studies Institute are warning that only two days of reprieve from Outlook and Teams …
Five war crimes Pete Hegseth plans to commit in celebration of not being impeached
Shut the fuck up and listen, you pansy-ass Democrats. Last night you all tried to impeach me, Pete Hegseth, Secretary of War and Anti-Woke Crusader, for “war crimes,” “following illegal orders,” …
Carney ban on Russian World Juniors players wreaks havoc on Heated Rivalry season 2 storylines
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark Carney has announced that Canada will follow suit with European countries by barring Russia from this year’s World Juniors, showing solidarity with Ukraine, but…
Hellebuyck won’t play in Jets game citing “note from his Mommy”
Winnipeg, MB – New Jersey Devils goalie Connor Hellebuyck will not face his former team, the Winnipeg Jets, when they play Tuesday night at the Canada Life Centre. According to Hellebuyck, …
Stephen Miller pivots to Chief of Staff role after police begin connecting dots on local stranglings
WASHINGTON D.C. – Longtime Trump advisor Stephen Miller is moving portfolios to become White House Chief of Staff, largely because Arlington police have begun linking a series of unsolved s…
OP-ED – Canada must invest in AI now, before we miss our chance to lose all our money in the bubble crash, by Mark Carney
by Prime Minister Mark Carney My fellow Canadians, artificial intelligence (AI) is the next great technological transformation, and the time to go all in is now. That is why I am announcing the G…
Mid-tier Japanese pop star surprised to learn she is “big in Canada”
TOKYO – 23-year-old J-pop artist Ito Koharu was recently surprised to learn that her debut album ハッピー・ミルク・キス・キス (HAPPY MILK KISS KISS) has debuted at #1 on Canadian charts, despite a lukewa…
Tesla to wind down Cybertruck production by just waiting for them all to catch fire
AUSTIN, TX – EV manufacturer Tesla has announced they will phase out production of the poorly-selling Cybertruck by waiting for each of the unsold models to spontaneously burst into flames,…
Hakeem Jeffries, Chuck Schumer say now is not the time to punish convicted rapist Russell Brand
WASHINGTON D.C. – In a joint statement, U.S. House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries and current U.S. Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer made clear their position that just-convicted rapist…
