Tech CEOs warn Chinese AI could destroy the world faster than American AI can
SILICON VALLEY – American Tech CEOs issued a chilling warning that Chinese AI models have the potential to destroy the world more quickly and more cheaply than their American counterparts. …
Republicans insist Mitch McConnell resting comfortably following routine taxidermy procedure
WASHINGTON D.C. – GOP lawmakers are chastizing their Democratic colleagues, as well as members of the media, for inquiring about the 6 week disappearance of Sen. Mitch McConnell, insisting …
Neighbourhood kid who just learned to ride bike now logging 14-hour shift delivering Uber Eats
OAKVILLE, ON — Seven-year-old Ryan Driftwood has been making the most of his newfound love of riding his bicycle by “making bank” as a self-employed Uber Eats food courier. The second…
Trump threat to tariff Canada over wildfire smoke closest he will ever come to understanding climate change
WASHINGTON D.C. – President Donald Trump has threatened to tariff Canadian goods as a means of forcing Canadians to address circumstances that would cause future forest wildfires, a tactic …
Meteorologists confirm drizzle will not address bird shit situation
Brandon, MB – Local meteorologists confirmed today what residents already felt in their hearts: the light rain forecast for this weekend will do absolutely nothing to address the bird shit situat…
Cancelling of Billy Bishop expansion leaves Ford wondering if this is a bad time to tell Ontario he bought another private jet
QUEEN’S PARK – The Federal Government has announced it will not support a proposed expansion of Billy Bishop Airport, leaving Premier Doug Ford searching for the right moment to infor…
British Columbia to address cost of housing by legalizing polygamy
VICTORIA, B.C. – Minister for Housing and Municipal Affairs Christine Boyle has announced that the provincial government will legalize polygamy in an effort to address the ballooning cost o…
Olive-hating man worried about upcoming trip to Greece
Sharbot Lake, ON – The excitement of an overseas vacation has turned to anxiety for a local man over the perceived olive-based diet of his destination. Ted LaFleur, 43, says while he is exc…
Canadians just so goddamn tired of this bullshit
CANADA – Canadians across the country have collectively unleashed a sigh of agonized frustration while simultaneously stating “Again with this bullshit?” “Help me out in u…
Andrew Tate slowly realizing exclusive new manosphere actually jail
MIAMI – Controversial online men’s influencer Andrew Tate, as well as his brother Tristan, is gradually realizing that the elite new manosphere club he has been ushered into is in fac…
