Trump admin demands Canada not meddle in midterms so they can meddle in separatist referendums
WASHINGTON D.C. – Trump Administration trade advisor Peter Navarro is accusing Canada of interfering in the upcoming U.S. midterm elections, unfairly distracting from American efforts to in…
Poilievre team divided over when to drop Mark Carney diss track
OTTAWA — Pierre Poilievre’s inner circle is at loggerheads over when to release his diss track targeting Prime Minister Mark Carney. Titled “Miss the Mark,” Poilievre said that the track, while p…
Trump administration eagerly looking for third trade route to completely fuck up
Panama Canal, NY – The Trump administration has begun a international search for another large trade route to completely fuck up after successfully fucking up both the strait of Hormuz and …
Rogers completes takeover of everything son talks to local dad about
TORONTO – Rogers Communications has announced that with the purchase of Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment and all its professional sports teams, the telecom giant has also taken full ownership …
Carney announces $1.2B investment to protect oceans from his own climate policy
VANCOUVER – Prime Minister Mark Carney has announced more than one billion dollars in federal funding to keep the ocean safe from the consequences of his own actions. “As an Oxford-trained econom…
Trump becomes only object on Earth exempt from Canadian urge to apologize
CANADA – After beginning a trade war with Canada over its refusal to join the United States, Donald Trump this week said he expects Canada to come to him and say “sir, we are sorry,” for th…
University assigns Cornell 7 to get ChatGPT to write their essays
ITHICA, NY – As punishment for drugging and gang-raping a young woman for over seven hours in 2024, Cornell University has assigned the seven known perpetrators to make ChatGPT generate their ess…
Child’s imaginary restaurant acquired, shuttered by private equity
BRANDON, MB – 4-year-old Mikaela Hermer’s imaginary restaurant, in which she served invisible hot dogs and ice cream to her parents and friends, has filed for bankruptcy after being a…
Alberta Separatists unveil development slogan: “Come invest in our unstable breakaway republic!”
CALGARY – With the Alberta Separatism referendum fast approaching, pro-separatist groups have launched a new campaign to entice investment dollars to their chaotic barely-planned idea for a…
Marvel fan can’t believe you’re watching Avengers: Doomsday before catching up on Loki, Plantman and Thornboy, or Hawkeye’s Son
Disney Plus, CA – A local night out has soured after Marvel fan Dan Lee has found out you plan to watch Avengers: Doomsday without first consuming 16,000 hours of marvel content. “You would…
