Carney announces competition to win blame for 24 Sussex restoration
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark Carney has announced a national design-and-build competition for the restoration of 24 Sussex Drive, the winner of which will receive full blame for their effor…
“Democratic socialists are taking over!!” declared about US politicians who would at best be Canadian Red Tories
NEW YORK STATE – In the wake of several progressive Democratic primary victories, American pundits have expressed extreme concern over the victors’ “far left politics” des…
Trump, Lutnick, and Hoekstra forget which of them got paid off to halt Gordie Howe Bridge
WINDSOR, ON – Trump administration officials are struggling to remember which of them specifically was bribed by billionaire donors to block the opening of the recently-constructed Gordie H…
Canada cleared to enter Eurovision if they promise not to sing in Canadian French
PRAGUE – After receiving full membership in the European Broadcasting Union following a general assembly vote, Canada has been cleared to enter the popular international Eurovision song con…
Padlock left at romantic site the only thing keeping local couple together
MONTREAL, QC – Longtime couple David LeGault and Katie Hu have confirmed that they would have ended their relationship years ago if not for the cheap padlock symbolizing their love they lef…
Local vinyl collector charged with leaving records in hot van
GRAND FORKS, BC – Police have charged 45-year-old Otis Claypool with criminal negligence after he left two milk crates filled with vinyl records inside his hot van for nearly an hour. “Leaving 12…
Data centre proponents say facility will run on solar power and all of Lake Superior
THUNDER BAY, ON – A proposed hyperscale data centre just outside Thunder Bay is promising the construction will be 100% sustainable elements like rooftop solar panels to power the centre. T…
Premier insists Ford Fest photo of protestors, numerous WWF stars, not photoshopped
QUEEN’S PARK – Premier Doug Ford is insisting that a photo of his annual Ford Fest celebration which depicted protestors as blue-clad supporters, as well as numerous 1980s-era profess…
5 reasons why bailing out rich Vancouver condo developers with taxpayer money is what the free market is all about, by Mark Carney
Good afternoon, taxpayers of Canada. It is me, Mark Carney, your Definitely Liberal Prime Minister. I hope that you are all having a wonderful, fiscally profitable day. My secretary told me this …
RFK Jr: Women who don’t shave their pits cause autism
WASHINGTON D.C. – United States Secretary of Health and Human Services Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has declared that women who don’t shave their armpits cause autism. “Finally, after years of hard work…
