REPORT: Mark Carney calls Canadian Men’s Hockey locker room to offer consolation RRSP advice
MILAN – Following the leaking of locker room footage of the gold medal winning USA team receiving a call from US President Donald Trump with congratulations, footage has now come to light o…
Trump demands Canada give him all their Olympic medals
OTTAWA – Following the closing ceremonies of the 2026 Winter Olympics, Canada’s athletes received an unusual message from President of the United States Donald Trump, stating simply “…
Nation returns to Heated Rivalry to watch Canadians get fucked in a good way
OTTAWA – Following a heartbreaking 2-1 loss to Team USA at the Winter Olympics, viewers nationwide started a rewatch of the hockey romance series, Heated Rivalry, in search of a more uplift…
Canada credits gold medal curling win to expert fingering
MILANO-CORTINA – With Canada’s mens team defeating Great Britain to clinch gold in the Winter Olympics, Canadian skip Brad Jacobs is crediting the victory to his team’s delicate…
Kevin O’Leary credits acting chops to years of convincing people he wasn’t driving the boat
LOS ANGELES, CA – Responding to widespread praise for his performance in the new film Marty Supreme, businessman and television personality Kevin O’Leary revealed that what critics are call…
Hockey Canada ordered to pay nation’s therapy bills
MILAN – After causing the nation 3 straight days of what can only be described as “holy shit, holy shit, I’m going to lose my god damn mind” levels of stress at the Olympi…
Pierre Poilievre crosses floor to Liberals
OTTAWA – Following three recent floor crossings to the Liberals, the Conservative Party has lost a fourth MP after Alberta MP Pierre Poilievre announced that he would be crossing the floor …
Ford warns OSAP students not to pick ‘basket-weaving courses’, pick ‘inherit trust fund’ courses instead
QUEEN’S PARK – In the wake of cuts to higher education loans, Ontario Premier Doug Ford has encouraged students “not to pick basket-weaving courses”, and instead to follow…
Jamil Jivani’s plan to neg Canadians into making him PM off to rocky start
“You pussies wouldn’t have the guts to make me the most powerful man in the country.” Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood and special guest Rachel Gilmore) talk a…
U.S. legal scholars baffled as Prince Andrew arrested for Epstein ties, Korean president sentenced for insurrection
WASHINGTON, D.C. – America’s top legal minds have reported utter bafflement at the news that former prince Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor was arrested by U.K. police due to his connections with…
