Joe Rogan relieved his fans too concussed to remember he campaigned for Trump
AUSTIN, TX – With pollsters predicting a massive midterm repudiation of U.S. President Donald Trump, podcaster Joe Rogan has expressed relief that his millions of fans have mostly suffered …
No one in Canada knows what time it is anywhere else in Canada
CANADA – With most, but not all of Western Canada no longer setting the clocks back in autumn, and most, but not all, of Eastern Canada switching this morning to standard time, everyone eve…
What your couples’ costume says about when you’ll break up
Ah, Halloween. A season of skeletons, ghosts, and the scariest thing of all: human relationships. Flowers and diamonds are all well and good, but nothing declares your love to the world like a co…
Calls to ICE tipline about Bolsonaro going straight to voicemail
UNDISCLOSED, U.S.A – Thousands of callers seeking to report to ICE the recent irregular entry of foreigner and accused criminal Flávio Bolsonaro have been shocked to discover that their reports a…
Pete Hoekstra warns Canada that he will personally annex one province for every state Trump loses in midterms
OTTAWA — A week after U.S. Ambassador to Canada Pete Hoekstra warned Canada about interfering in the upcoming U.S. midterms, Hoekstra took things one step further, announcing that for every state…
BREAKING: Brad Bradford changes mind on becoming mayor of Toronto
TORONTO – Following a commanding re-election victory by incumbent mayor Olivia Chow, second place candidate Brad Bradford is announcing that he no longer wants to be the next mayor of Toron…
B.C. Conservatives celebrate election win by burning down old growth forest
THE WOODS – After a sweeping victory in the B.C. provincial election that saw the B.C. Conservatives win 64 out of 93 seats, the party is commemorating their win by burning down a large por…
Toronto driver not sure where to park after city removes bike lanes
TORONTO – Following the removal of much of the city’s bike lanes, local motorist Jason Welch is facing extreme uncertainty about where he should park his car now. “It’s so annoying to try a…
BC nobly sacrifices good governance to teach one man about hubris
VICTORIA – The electorate of British Columbia – a province with a population of roughly 5.7 million – has officially and heroically voted against its own self-interest with the sole intenti…
Doug Ford bets 10 grand he can stop surge in gambling addiction
QUEEN’S PARK – To deal with the sharp increase in gambling addiction sweeping the province, Ontario Premier Doug Ford has publicly stated he is so confident he can stop the epidemic t…
