Trump says Canada having more friends is bullying
WASHINGTON, D.C. – United States President Donald Trump has blasted Canada’s recent proposed alliance up to the European Union, insisting the new partnership is tantamount to picking on him…
Ed Sheeran welcomes new opening act: Beatboxing Netanyahu
LONDON — At a press conference today, singer Ed Sheeran announced that, despite all of his previously scheduled opening acts quitting over his firing Macklemore, his tour will continue as schedul…
EU asks Canada to join in hopes they take some stuff Britain left at their office
BRUSSELS – A recent statement by the European Union has clarified that the bloc’s main interest in Canada becoming an Associate Member is to get them to take away some of the junk the Unite…
Habs fans forced to replace burning effigy of Chris Kreider with regular effigy
Montreal, QC – In a surprising show of good faith, Montreal Canadiens fans removed their long-standing burning effigy of NHL forward Chris Kreider after it was announced that he would be joining …
Canada Investment Summit attendees enter raffle to win PEI
TORONTO – Prime Minister Mark Carney’s Canada Investment Summit, in which executives and global asset managers have gathered to discuss investing hundreds of trillions into CanadaR…
Tech oligarchs agree calling AI “too dangerous” way cooler than just admitting it doesn’t work
SILICON VALLEY – The CEOs of OpenAI, Anthropic, and GrokAI have released a statement agreeing that claiming artificial intelligence “could potentially kill all humans” sounds mu…
Desperate Poilievre announces “Fuck A Fan” contest
OTTAWA – With his Conservative Party trailing the governing Liberals by double digits in recent opinion polling, a desperate Pierre Poilievre today announced his latest plan to boost his po…
Trump notes that falling asleep onstage at 9/11 ceremony technically counts as moment of silence
ARLINGTON COUNTY, VA – Awakening briefly, President Trump addressed Americans assembled to pay their respects to the victims of the September 11th attacks, insisting that his mid-morning na…
Trump reminisces about how he single-handedly prevented 9/11 from ever happening
WASHINGTON, D.C. — US President Donald Trump waxed nostalgic about how he single-handedly prevented the September 11 terrorist attacks from ever happening. Trump told a group of supporters that, …
Local woman betrays family history by eating at different chain restaurant
Moncton, NB – A local family says they are looking for answers after their mother openly chose to eat at a different rotisserie chicken chain. Trudy Daly, 45 and mother of three, is accused…
