The Beaverton interviews an Alberta Separatist
Albertan separatists say they have the signatures necessary to force a referendum on the issue. We sat down with Keith Greengrass, a prominent advocate for an independent Alberta, to understand m…
Tech Bro loserdom forces nation to yearn for Finance Bros
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Admitting they “never thought it would come to this,” a rigorous poll of every American confirmed that the sustained humiliation of living under tech bro dominance has f…
Man exceeds email exclamation mark limit before 10am
EDMONTON, AB — Project manager Hank Johnson exceeded his personal email exclamation mark limit today before 10:00 a.m. local time. Johnson has grave concerns as to how he will get through the res…
Canadians wonder how close to Mother’s Day you can ask Mom for money
OTTAWA — With spring comes Mother’s Day, and with Mother’s Day comes planning. Where to take her for brunch? What kind of flowers to give her? And most importantly, how close to the big day is it…
REPORT: Poilievre’s only hope is that floor-crossing MPs will destroy Liberal Party from within
OTTAWA – Recent data from Parliament Hill suggests that Conservative Leader Pierre Poilievre’s only chance of becoming Prime Minister rests on the possibility that one of his MPs who …
Danielle Smith announces referendum to determine her position on Albertan Independence Referendum
“Also there will be an introductory referendum to determine what the question on my position referendum will be.” Luke and the Panel (Clare Blackwood and Ian MacIntyre) talk about Car…
Local nerd disappointed he didn’t get the long form census
TATAMAGOUCHE, NS – An event five years in anticipation turned to bitter disappointment this week, as a local census dweeb did not receive the coveted long form questionnaire. Local insuffer…
Armageddon 2: Asteroid saves Earth from U.S. in Michael Bay sequel
LOS ANGELES – Twenty-eight years after Bruce Willis and a ragtag crew of oil drillers saved humanity from cosmic annihilation, Hollywood is finally answering the question nobody asked: Wha…
Julie K. Brown wins Pulitzer prize for report on Epstein’s [REDACTED]
Miami, [CENSORED] – Julie K. Brown of the Miami Herald has been awarded a Pulitzer Prize for her impactful work on the Jeffrey Epstein investigation and people like [EXPUNGED] who allowed […
Five places you may think you are safe from Canada Geese, but aren’t
With Spring fully in motion, we felt it prudent to keep Canadians informed of the ever present threat poised by Branta canadensis, better known as Canada geese, the leading cause of car wash visi…
