Local woman betrays family history by eating at different chain restaurant
Moncton, NB – A local family says they are looking for answers after their mother openly chose to eat at a different rotisserie chicken chain. Trudy Daly, 45 and mother of three, is accused…
Counter-Tariffs take effect as Canadians brace for life without American truck nutz
OTTAWA – With anti-American counter-tariffs taking effect as of September 8th, Canadians will be forced to make due without easy market access to their most-purchased American products, nam…
Canada confirms defence strategy against invasion mainly waiting for Americans to die from preventable illnesses
OTTAWA – Last weekend, Canada’s Ministry of National Defence confirmed their main strategy to fend off a potential invasion from the United States is to wait for American forces to be…
Hilroy to remove additional province from map of Canada every year until demands met
MISSISSAUGA, ON – Earlier this week Canadians noticed that Hilroy had excluded Newfoundland and Cape Breton from the map of Canada on the cover of their latest notebooks. Today, the company confi…
Hegseth pauses busy schedule of inspecting soldiers’ scrotums to make weird comments about Canadian teens’ bodies
WASHINGTON D.C. – Secretary of War Pete Hegseth has posted disparaging comments about female Canadian Air Force cadets, all while maintaining his busy schedule of personally inspecting the …
Come from Away sequel will see Newfoundlanders put the friggin’ boots to Pete Hoekstra
GANDER, NFLD – Controversial U.S. Ambassador Pete Hoekstra’s announcement that he will head to Newfoundland as part of the delegation commemorating the 25th anniversary of 9/11 has inspired a seq…
Conservatives vow to get rid of Poilievre as soon as voters send some kind of sign they don’t like him
OTTAWA – Conservative members and officials are sticking by leader Pierre Poilievre for now, insisting they will only vote to remove him if the voters give indication they don’t like …
Landlord reminds tenant that Broken A/C builds resilience
Hamilton, ON – As rolling blackouts leave entire neighbourhoods sweating in the dark, local landlord Gary Feltch has reassured his tenant that the air conditioning unit he has failed to rep…
Overconfident Carney vows to win 3 more U.S. midterm races after Liberal by-election sweep
OTTAWA – Following a clean sweep of last night’s 3 by-elections, Prime Minister Mark Carney immediately declared that his Liberal party would also pick up 3 additional seats in this N…
Man with 500 day Duolingo streak surprised real Spanish conversations not multiple choice
COSTA RICA – A Vancouver man boasting a 500-day Duolingo streak was stunned to discover during a recent vacation that conversations with real Spanish speakers are not, in fact, multiple choice. T…
