Hilroy to remove additional province from map of Canada every year until demands met
MISSISSAUGA, ON – Earlier this week Canadians noticed that Hilroy had excluded Newfoundland and Cape Breton from the map of Canada on the cover of their latest notebooks. Today, the company confi…
Hegseth pauses busy schedule of inspecting soldiers’ scrotums to make weird comments about Canadian teens’ bodies
WASHINGTON D.C. – Secretary of War Pete Hegseth has posted disparaging comments about female Canadian Air Force cadets, all while maintaining his busy schedule of personally inspecting the …
Come from Away sequel will see Newfoundlanders put the friggin’ boots to Pete Hoekstra
GANDER, NFLD – Controversial U.S. Ambassador Pete Hoekstra’s announcement that he will head to Newfoundland as part of the delegation commemorating the 25th anniversary of 9/11 has inspired a seq…
Conservatives vow to get rid of Poilievre as soon as voters send some kind of sign they don’t like him
OTTAWA – Conservative members and officials are sticking by leader Pierre Poilievre for now, insisting they will only vote to remove him if the voters give indication they don’t like …
Landlord reminds tenant that Broken A/C builds resilience
Hamilton, ON – As rolling blackouts leave entire neighbourhoods sweating in the dark, local landlord Gary Feltch has reassured his tenant that the air conditioning unit he has failed to rep…
Overconfident Carney vows to win 3 more U.S. midterm races after Liberal by-election sweep
OTTAWA – Following a clean sweep of last night’s 3 by-elections, Prime Minister Mark Carney immediately declared that his Liberal party would also pick up 3 additional seats in this N…
Man with 500 day Duolingo streak surprised real Spanish conversations not multiple choice
COSTA RICA – A Vancouver man boasting a 500-day Duolingo streak was stunned to discover during a recent vacation that conversations with real Spanish speakers are not, in fact, multiple choice. T…
Google Maps changes name to Lake America after people start to forget tech giants also pretty awful
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA – Google Maps has changed the name of Lake Ontario to “Lake America” for their U.S. users, after realizing President Trump’s willful malevolence had dist…
Canada’s nerds demand state funeral for Montreal-born voice of Optimus Prime
OTTAWA – Following news of the passing of Montreal-born actor Peter Cullen, best known as the voice of Optimus Prime, nerds across Canada are demanding Ottawa hold a state funeral for the l…
Carney to rename rest of Great Lakes as “Lake Legal Adult” so Trump will never want to touch them
OTTAWA – After Donald Trump signed an executive order renaming Lake Ontario “Lake America,” Prime Minister Mark Carney announced he would preemptively rename the rest of the Great Lakes as …
