AI tech mogul confused why expendable human capital booing him during commencement address
COLUMBUS, OH – Jack Smarnoff, CEO of tech firm Confinity AI, is reportedly confused as to why the graduating class of Ohio State University are loudly booing his commencement speech, specif…
Soon-to-be grounded Snowbirds promise to make 2026 season their best, most traumatizing for dogs yet
“They’re going to be shaking the whole time we’re gone!” Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Nile Seguin and Clare Blackwood) break down the Pentagon abandoning the Joint B…
Kars4Kids scandal shockingly not an Epstein thing
LOS ANGELES, CA – Kars4Kids ads are being pulled from the CBC for reasons that are being described as “mercifully not billionaire pedophile-related”. Following a California cour…
Danielle Smith announces Fall referendum on the concept of referendums
EDMONTON – Alberta Premier Danielle Smith has announced a Fall referendum on the general notion of referendums, including what they are, what if any questions they could ask, and why Alberta Sepa…
Canada ends agonizing three-year Walter Cup drought
MONTREAL — The Montreal Victoire have won the PWHL’s Walter Cup, ending an excruciating three-year period where the championship resided south of the border. “I’m honoured to have helped bring a …
Five tips to avoid prematurely releasing your referendum announcement
You aren’t alone. It happens to every majority government. One minute, you’re engaged in a lively debate at a bipartisan committee meeting. The next thing you know, the press release you already …
New parents celebrate beginning of 18-year, $300,000 failed investment
Elora, ON ― First-time parents Felicity and Ivan Jennings welcomed an enormous waste of time, money, and effort into the world yesterday, which they refer to as their “son,” or Jody. Friends of t…
Decades of loyalty points collecting finally yields $5 discount
OTTAWA – History was made last Saturday when a customer’s quarter-century of dutiful loyalty card usage finally generated a bountiful return, a $5 discount. The dedicated shopper, T…
Robert K. Irving dies, to be buried in the Great Moncton Pyramid
MONCTON, NB – Following the passing of Robert K. Irving, the Irving family has announced that he shall be buried in New Brunswick’s tallest non-smokestack structure, the Great Moncton Pyram…
Alberta separatists vow to appeal petition denial as soon as US State Department tells them how
EDMONTON – Stay Free Alberta, the group behind the 300,000 person effort for Alberta Independence, have vowed to legally appeal a judge’s ruling striking down the validity of their pe…
