Boeing signs fighter contract, will rework planes to cause death and destruction “on purpose”
Crystal City, Virginia – Seeing an opportunity to capitalize on his company’s reputation as a bringer of chaos and death, Boeing CEO Kelly Ortberg has announced the signing of an agre…
Trump Trade War prompts Carney to mobilize reserve members of Broken Social Scene
OTTAWA – With US President Trump ramping up his economic attacks on Canada and Europe, Prime Minister Mark Carney has enacted a top secret plan to mobilize Canada’s most highly-specia…
Conservative man discovers secret trick to getting elected PM: running as Liberal
(Political) Scientists hate him for discovering a new way to be a Conservative PM in Canada! And he can show you how to do it too! It’s the second episode of the relaunched Beaverton Weekly…
Polkaroo outed as leader of men’s rights group
HAMILTON – RCMP officials have confirmed that the leader of Men Seeing Men (MSM), a growing men’s rights movement linked to online threats and violence across the country, is the Polka Dot …
Poilievre insists not being aware of India helping his campaign just practice for not being aware of America helping his campaign
OTTAWA – Amid revelations that India aided the leadership campaign of Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre, the opposition leader insists that having absolutely no idea about this will be g…
Trump team accidentally texts Canadian invasion plans to Ian Hanomansing
TORONTO – Following reports of Trump Cabinet members including journalists on private Signal threads, Trump officials have reportedly texted similar plans for an invasion of Canada to ancho…
Danielle Smith insists Trump helping Poilievre not foreign interference once we become 51st state
EDMONTON – Following a Breitbart podcast interview where Danielle Smith recalled requesting the Trump administration pause tariffs in order to help Pierre Poilievre’s campaign, the Al…
Carney announces April 28th will be the day Canada learns who the hell this guy is
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark Carney has confirmed that April 28th will be the date Canadians finally learn the identity of the 5th unknown man included in photo montages with Carney, Pierre…
Non-confrontational couple spends night saying “Whatever works for you” before quietly falling asleep
JASPER BC—According to sources close to the matter, primarily their quietly baffled cat, Muffins, Hannah Mitchell and Victor Chang successfully spent five straight hours on Friday date night refu…
Carney calls April 28th election, clarifies Canadians can’t just write “Fuck Trump”
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark Carney has called for a snap election to be held on April 28th, and has specified that Canadians will be required to choose an MP in their riding, as opposed to…
