Manitoba premier tells teachers to share province’s last remaining piece of chalk
WINNIPEG – Manitoba premier Brian Pallister has encouraged teachers to share the province’s last remaining piece of chalk in all of the province’s public schools. Pallister announced the ne…
Netflix adds ‘movies set in New York but it’s obviously Toronto’ category
TORONTO – Netflix is adding a new category of films viewers can scroll through before just choosing to re-watch The Crown: movies set in New York that are obviously Toronto. “We’…
I got every covid vaccine. Here’s how they all taste.
The government has approved several COVID vaccines for widespread use, and lots of us are debating which one we should get. Worry no longer, because I did the dirty work for you: I got my hands o…
Inspiring! Clubhouse community comes together to make sure you don’t get an invite
SAN FRANCISCO – In a heartwarming display of solidarity, the entire community of the audio-only social media platform Clubhouse have banded together to make sure that you, specifically, nev…
Jason Kenney insists dinosaurs belong in government, not the classroom
EDMONTON – Premier Jason Kenney is changing the public school curriculum in Alberta to better reflect the UCP’s position that lumbering prehistoric creatures should not be the focus o…
Hospital interior designer thinking off-white theme for this room
VANCOUVER – Hospital interior designer Shannon Kimble was struck by inspiration today and announced she’s strongly considering going with an off-white theme for patient room A03. “It just h…
Ford introduces “stay at home unless you’re sick and can’t get rid of your shift” order
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford is expected to announce a province-wide stay-at-home order today, which will require everyone to remain at home unless they’re sick but cannot find anyon…
Ford doesn’t understand why eligible Ontarians not registering to get vaccines he insists haven’t been delivered
TORONTO – Faced with questions as to why Ontario is not vaccinating more people, Premier Doug Ford insisted that hundreds of thousands of eligible residents have, for some reason, not signe…
Local 12th-grader excited to spend gap year backpacking around house
QUINTE WEST, ON — Local 17-year-old Hunter Ryan is finalizing plans for his long-anticipated one-year backpacking tour of his parents’ house. “It’s gonna be an awesome chance to spread my w…
RETRO ATTACK! Jordan Peterson is back after someone mistakenly fed him after midnight
Everything old is new! Author, professor, and father figure for adult men who still wet the bed and then refuse to shower afterwards because “urine is sterile”, Jordan Peterson is back in the pub…
