Convoluted new UEFA Champions League structure forces PSG to play themselves in the final
MUNICH – French soccer champions Paris Saint-Germain were told by UEFA that, having accidentally eliminated all other clubs by a bookkeeping error in their complicated new tournament system…
Quebec passes bill requiring immigrants to not be different
QUEBEC CITY – Following a recent bill requiring immigrants to adopt shared values, Quebec has also advanced new legislation requiring immigrants to not be any different than people already …
Canada Post counters union negotiations, asking workers to split the bill on billion dollar deficit
OTTAWA – Negotiators for the Canadian Union of Postal Workers were reportedly speechless following the latest proposal from Canada Post: that all employees kick in to help cover last year&#…
Ads playing on gas pumps now leading cause of hearing loss
OTTAWA – Health Canada released a new hearing safety report today, highlighting a new top cause of hearing loss across the nation: advertisements playing on a new generation of gas pumps eq…
Alberta gets head start on life as a U.S. state by banning books
“Next we’ll get started on for-profit prisons!” Luke and the Panel (Clare Blackwood, Ian MacIntyre and Nile Seguin) dive into the Throne Speech, including the absurdity of heari…
Trump says Canada would pay $61B for Golden Dome, or 50% off just to bribe him directly
WASHINGTON D.C. – US President Donald Trump has offered Canada the “fabulous opportunity” to either pay $61 billion to join his military’s proposed Golden Dome defense shi…
Foreign Election Interference? Mark Carney reportedly constructed his cabinet with IKEA instructions
OTTAWA – Newly-elected Prime Minister Mark Carney is already facing allegations of allowing foreign tampering in Canadian affairs, after he allowed Swedish retailer IKEA to assist him in the form…
Pierre Poilievre attends Speech From The Throne with face pressed against Senate window
OTTAWA – As King Charles read the Speech From The Throne Conservative Party of Canada leader and not MP Pierre Poilievre was seen outside the Senate with his face pressed against the window…
Mars fans anticipate trading only known habitable planet for world where any unprotected human would immediately perish
GREAT EXUMA, BERMUDA — Thousands of excited would-be Martians gathered at MarsFest to enthuse over Elon Musk’s most recent vow to colonize the categorically inhospitable Red Planet. Citing Space-…
Canada counters American annexation with reminder it already belongs to elderly King
OTTAWA – After repeated threats of annexation from Donald Trump, Canada has made the bold move of reminding the world it already bends the knee to a weird, elderly King. “Canada is a proud,…
