EDMONTON – In the wake of Elections Alberta officially requesting help from Elections BC and Saskatchewan to carry out the planned fall referendum on Albertan independence, several United Conservative Party officials stress that this will definitely be the last time they need help from Canada.
“Let me repeat myself. The country of Canada and every other province is nothing but an anchor on Alberta,” said Eric Bouchard, MLA for Calgary-Lougheed. “Getting help from our neighbours in running this referendum does not change that even a single bit. In fact, it underscores how vital leaving Canada is that we even need their help to do so.”
“We give them all of our oil profits and tax revenue and get nothing in return except a measly four billion dollar pipeline, so the least they could do is help run our extremely fair and impartial independence referendum for us,” said Deven Dreeshen, MLA for Innisfail-Sylvan Lake.
The MLAs added that, as an independent nation, Alberta would never again need help from Canada, except with getting their share of the pension fund, establishing currency and credit, and registering for the Olympics since the forms are quite tricky.
“Oh and if Canada could put in a word and get us a good seat at the UN that would be great,” added Dreeshen.
“I mean, we could’ve solved this issue in needing help from the other provinces by simply funding Elections Alberta more, but that would’ve gotten in the way of hampering all those pesky democratic recall efforts against our MLAs,” said Calgary-Bow MLA Demetrios Nicolaides.
At time of publication, BC Premier David Eby stated the province would be willing to send whatever assistance available to help run Alberta’s independence referendum if it meant getting Alberta out of the country faster.
